Monday, December 26, 2011

What Xmas Should Look Like

What Christmas should look like:

Santa.... is a sexy looking silver fox type of guy, probably not older than 50.  
He's not fat.  
I'm sitting on his lap (obviously, this is Xmas after all and some traditions cannot be ignored).  
He hands me an envelope filled with cash, and says "Merry Xmas.  Here is for your rent, bills, etc."
Thanks Santa!!

What Christmas actually looked like:

Woke up alone in my bed.
Played guitar for an hour.
Went to my moms house for a great brunch with her and her friend.
Played guitar in the living room, while they did crafts in the kitchen.
Friend comes over and we head to the outdoor/refrigerated rink to skate.
We play hockey with 6 guys and hold our own just fine.
We go to Groveland Tap to get a beer.  They are closed.  
We proceed to Billy's on Grand.  They don't open till 5.
We awkwardly wait in the car for 15 minutes, till 5:05.  We don't want to seem desperate. 
We sit and talk about education, curriculum/instruction, and race for 2 hours while drinking Stone IPA.
We go back to my moms house and eat leftovers (from friend's Xmas with her family the night before).
We watch 3 quarters of the packer game, occasionally screaming, clapping or cheering.  
Friend heads home.
I head home too.
I spend several (4+) hours playing guitar and working on photos until 3:15am.

Xmas Morning

Xmas Brunch

Xmas Day

What a rad Xmas!!  Xmas Eve was good too...spent it with a few friends and family.  I had been stressed about it, not because of presents or anything, just because it's a hard time of year and I've got some shit going on that is hard to understand, let alone deal with.  <-- Which as I write that... I realize that I don't need to understand why things happen... I just need to deal with them.  

Anyhow, Christmas this year was great.  I'm lucky to have good friends and good family.  Even when I'm feeling sad... I still know that I am blessed with good people in my life.  That and I am blessed with skinny ankles.  Just sayin.  

Happy holidays everyone.  Stay safe, sane, mindful, and loving!  

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Dear Higher Power, Quit Taking My Friends!

I don't understand life.  I don't understand death either, but life is bugging me right now.  Last winter, I had this horrible feeling that I wasn't going to live to see my 28th birthday.  I felt this way as I was driving west on Highway 94, right where it crosses over 280.  What a gross feeling to have, and it's happened more than once.  I don't want to die before my 28th birthday.... but for some weird reason, I have this weird feeling about it.  (As I type this, I am trying to convince myself that by writing it out.... it will make it NOT happen...because if some freak accident did happen, wouldn't it be too weird that I had written it less than 2 months before my 28th birthday?)

A friend died yesterday, which has made me think more about death, and why people die.  I was at the gym yesterday morning, watching the news, and they reported 4 deaths from a snowstorm in the southern part of the U.S.  "Man, those are 4 people's children," I thought to myself.  4 people, with histories and futures...cut short because of a car accident.  And really, that shit happens ALL THE TIME.  Who's to say that I wont get t-boned some morning on my drive to the gym, or ran over by a drunk driver some night walking home from the bar?  That scares me!  It doesn't mean I won't drive or walk anywhere or make some rash decision to lock myself up in the just means that life is precious and can be taken away at any moment.

Which brings me to my next point, which I've said many times.  If you love someone, tell them.  You never really do know what is going on in someone's life/mind/reality unless you ask.  And sometimes, it's just important to tell people how you feel.  When people in my life die (I believe it's been 6 people this year), I tend to think about the experiences we shared, and what I could have done differently (if anything).  I try not to live life with regrets, but every time someone I know dies, I wonder if I gave enough to that friendship.  I wonder if the relationship reached its full potential, or if there were parts that could have been stronger.  It's depressing to think about, so I try not to dwell... some days I guess it's harder than others.

As we go into the holiday season, I feel overwhelmed.  Many people I know are stressed out, trying to find last minute gifts for loved ones.  Here's a message to my loved ones.... I'm poor, have barely enough money for food and bills.  I'm sorry but this year, you may only get hugs or handmade gifts from me.  I usually feel sad around the holidays because I miss my gramma and grampa, but this year feels different.  

2011 sucked.  Highlights: Got a rad job, got a partner, went to Guatemala, ran a few good races, got quite (physically) strong towards the end of the year.  Low points: Got laid off, got my heart broken, lost confidence, lost hope, lost trust, injured my shoulder 3 times, 6 friends died, and lost my health insurance and now owe a lot of money.

Dear 2012, I hope you are better than this year, because this year sucked.  I can't keep having shitty years, and this one was one of the worst.  

I feel like I'm drunk as I write this, because I'm all over the place.  Rest assured dear readers, I am not drunk.  I am merely frustrated.  There are definitely good things/people in my life... but sometimes I feel like it's too hard, too overwhelming, too heart-breaking.  When do things get better? And with some consistency?  I deserve to feel good.  I really believe that I do/will.

Last night I wrote a poem for a friend.  It went something like this:

Life Is Too Short

to be angry
to be sad
to be regretful
to be hurt
to be stuck.

i'm ready for what is next.

life is too short.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Goals for the Week

After a week/end of partying, sleeping in, and making fruit smoothies every morning, the following goals have been established for this week: 

1. No booze.
2. Go to the gym/run outside 5 times.
3. Do yoga 2 times.
4. Spend 30 minutes "studying" every day.
5. Do 400 sit-ups every day.
6. Take a multi-vitamin every day.

Because I am going to a 2 hour yoga workshop this afternoon, the week will start today (instead of tomorrow).  

I've spent a lot of time talking about the things I can do to be happy/healthy.  They aren't that hard.  In fact, they are quite easy, and there is indeed time for them.  It's a choice.  I was out having drinks with a friend last night, and I said to her that I should just try for one week to be healthy/positive (see list above).  One week.  That's it.  I've been alive for 1451 weeks.  I can do one week of really living with intention and mindfulness.  I talk about it all the time, but have a tough time committing.  This time, I'm going to do it.  It's just one week.  

If I feel like shit at the end of the week, I will try something else.  Honestly though, I believe that if I stick to my list, I will be just fine.   

Friday, November 25, 2011

Florence + The Machine

Last winter I found out about Florence and the Machine.  I then listened to her album "Between Two Lungs" more or less on repeat until the snow melted.  I loved it, and when I hear certain songs from it now, I am brought back to specific moments in time.

A few weeks ago, Florence released a new album called "Ceremonials."  This album is also quite good, but upon googling every song lyric on the disc, I realized it is quite depressing.  Since I went a little overboard last year with Flo, I don't doubt I'll do it again this year.  All this means is I need to find other music to balance out the intense sadness and emotion of this album.

This is my favorite song of hers on "Ceremonials."  I love this video too.  I love her energy, her voice, her passion.  If you haven't heard much of her, I suggest checking her out!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

What Making a Smoothie Actually Looks Like

Yesterday I bought a hand held blender, so that I could make fruit and vegetable smoothies.  I'd seen photos of these amazing green drinks that looked so beautiful.  Surely I could make one!  

This afternoon, I looked on Food Gawker (one of my favorite websites) for a good recipe.  After a quick search for spinach smoothies, I found this:

And this:

And this too:

Yummo!  I could make that....sure thing!  

So...I piled up my ingredients on the counter.  1 frozen banana from last winter, some fresh kale, some fresh spinach, fresh ginger root, frozen strawberries, and a bag of frozen mangoes.

I put the banana and some of the spinach in the cup that came with my new hand held blender thingy.  I tried mashing it in there, and smelled only the aroma of an appliance engine working too hard.  This shit was not blending like I hoped it would.  I grabbed the vanilla soy milk from my fridge and reluctantly poured some in.  It started to work a bit better, so I added some strawberries.

Next I added some mango and a big piece of ginger root.  Mash Mash Mash the stupid hand held thing went.  I needed more milk.  As I was adding stuff to my smoothie, I of course kept wondering what the point of a smoothie was.  I like to eat spinach and kale and fruit.  Was it necessary to put it all together?  

I kept having to stir the damn thing, which for those who know about my sensory issues (i.e. I don't like water, or wet things in general touching me), this was quite uncomfortable.  "I'm gonna do this," I kept telling myself, "Even if I'm covered in green junk by the end."

I continued to jam and mash the blender thing into the cup, every once and a while pushing too hard and causing it to spill over the sides and onto me/the counter/the floor.  "This better taste good," I said out loud, wondering who really makes a smoothie without making a mess.

At last, I was done!  My counter, blender, and hands were covered in green goo.  I quickly cleaned up and took one last cell phone photo of my smoothie.  I should mention that my cell phone was also adorned with green splotches of goo.

I'm sitting on my couch now, drinking my smoothie, which all in all is not that bad.  I think the large quantity of ginger is what made it taste better than shit.  Will I make another smoothie?  Absolutely... I have a whole kitchen full of produce that needs to get eaten.  Besides, the lady at target said I could only return the blender if it was defective, not if I just didn't like it.  

Bon Appetite!  

An Average Morning's Thoughts

Woke up too early this morning, and wondered why I was awake.  Oh shoot, I have a dentist appointment at 7:30.  That's why!  

Went to the dentist, and along the way thought about the time my dentist called Adele "the fat chick."  He and I got into it that day, because I of course, had to prove the point that Adele is awesome the way she is...she doesn't need a rail thin body to show off her vocal talent.

Went to Kowalski's to look purchase kale and spinach.  Yesterday I got a new hand held blender.  I want to start making smoothies.  Got to Kowalski's and was surprised to see their produce prices higher than Mississippi Market.  I got some bananas, and 25 dollars worth of other random things (soy milk, a donut, some fresh cod, and the Chinook book.  I bought the Chinook book last year, and didn't use enough coupons to make my money back.  This year will be different.

I listened to the radio while driving this morning.  Lots of talk about "Black Friday," the biggest shopping day of the year.  Many places are opening at midnight (shortly after many Americans will finish watching football and eating their thanksgiving dinners).  It made me think about what the holidays are all about.  First of all, Thanksgiving is probably the dumbest holiday ever... aside from Columbus day.  I think it's important to be thankful for what we have... but I also think it's important to remember the genocide of an entire people/culture/nation.  Second of all...this whole Black Friday thing bugs me.  I got an email this morning from the "Gap" saying "Black Friday starts today."  Hmph... I'm sorry but I could have sworn today was Wednesday.  You can't start Black Friday two days early.  C'mon!  

After my disappointing trip to Kowalskis (which...don't get me wrong, I like it there, the people are nice, the food selection is good.. it just didn't do it for me today), I went to Mississippi Market.  There I spoke with the produce dude about what kind of kale I need for a smoothie.  We talked for a while, he gave me some good recipe ideas (I didn't mention anything about the donut I ate on my way there), and he inquired about my ethnic background.  When I told him my name was Asha, he said "Ah yes, hope."  Indeed, in Sanskrit my name means hope.  It was a good trip.  I came home with beets, kale, ginger, avocado, salt, pepper, and flax seed. 

Driving home from the co-op, I waited as this HUGE truck was getting situated along the side of the road.  I started to think, "what if I was in a hurry right now?"  Knowing I wasn't in a hurry, I was able to it really the trucks fault if I ran late?  Why wouldn't I just leave early?  It got me thinking about how cranky people can be when they drive.  If you are really in that big of a rush... leave earlier.  And when you think about it...what's more important... getting somewhere 30 seconds sooner?  Or driving respectfully and safely.  For some, I don't know there is a certain answer.  As I drove by the huge truck, I noticed it said "Mayflower" on it.  That seems appropriate, I thought, being Thanksgiving is tomorrow.  I then began to think of what it must have been like to be Columbus on the ship coming to Indian...err... America.   

Last night I went to see "Still Black Still Proud" at the Ordway.  It was incredible.  The musicians (Maceo Parker, Pee Wee Ellis, Vusi Mahlasela) were amazing.  There was so much talent on the stage.  Furthermore...and possibly my most favorite part of the show was that young and old people got up and danced.  It was beautiful.  Brown, black, white folks... a bunch of people were dancing.  And aside from weddings, it's a rare sight to see young kids and old folks dancing/sharing the same space.  It was heart warming.  (Side note: If you've never heard Vusi Mahlasela sing...check him out). 

My mind has been racing today (and I've left out several things).  Oh, one thing I should note is that last week I challenged myself to eat only non-processed foods.  That meant no butter, milk, yogurt, candy, ice cream, soda, etc.  I did drink (plenty of) beer, and "cheated" a few times (one egg roll at a staff meeting, one tiny piece of fudge while talking to my 88 year old friend who endorsed it, and on Sunday night-- the last night of the challenge I ate a string cheese and a morningstar veggie burger-- because I had a big interview the next morning and needed the duel).  It was certainly a challenge, and I did get sick of eating bananas and peanut butter all the time.  The first few days were cool, because I was actively cooking meat (in unprocessed coconut oil), and I made time to plan and prepare meals, but by the end, I was really just trying to make it through the week.  I'm glad I did the challenge though.  It was a good test of discipline.  

I am off to meet a friend for coffee.  Before I do, I feel as though I should share what I am thankful for.  In no order of importance, I am thankful for: my one skinny ankle, the positive people in my life, the lessons i have learned in the last year, my new job, my old job, music, and that i have enough food to eat everyday.  Happy Thanksgiving everyone!  

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Help Asha Pay for Hockey by Drinking Beer Tomorrow (Sunday)!!

I've come out of an 8 year retirement from hockey, and am now playing for the Riveters.  Because hockey is so expensive, we are having a beer bust/fundraiser THIS SUNDAY from 1pm-4pm at Tom Reid's Hockey Pub in Saint Paul. 

If you like crappy beer, have 10 dollars for a wristband, want to win raffle prizes (i.e. wild tickets, gopher tickets, etc), and want to help me pay the 400-500 dollar hockey dues, please consider coming out.  The vikings game will be on, the energy will be high, and it's for a good cause.
Email or call me with questions.  Hope to see you tomorrow! 

P.s for those who are pregnant or in AA, please don't mind the title of this blog.  Come have a Coke!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

The Shoe Project (is over)

Apologies for not writing much lately.  Lots has been happening, and I've failed to keep up. 

Here are the final photos from the end of the shoe project.  I made it through the entire month (of October) never wearing the same shoes twice.  It was a fun project/challenge, and I am glad I did it! 

On November 1st when it was time to get dressed and go to work... I was stumped.   I stood in my closet (insert gay joke here) and was overwhelmed by outfit options.  I had at least 31 pairs of shoes I could wear (plus about 5-10 more), and since the shoe project was officially over, I could choose whatever I wanted. 

October 22, 2011.  Blue suede shoes from High School.

October 23, 2011.  Adidas Original Superstar.  Also from High School.

October 24, 2011.  Cribbage tournament in frogtown.

October 25, 2011.  Running out of photo ideas.

October 26, 2011.  Mili and Jen's dope floor, South Minneapolis. 

October 27, 2011.  My mom's "lawn mowing" shoes on Felix's motorcycle.

October 28, 2011.  Some random woman at the bar held up my leg so I could take this photo. 

October 29, 2011.

October 30, 2011.

October 31, 2011.  Last day of the shoe project.

 I seemed to write a lot more in October, while I was doing the shoe project.  It was fun to see how many people checked out my site and would leave comments along the way.  Last night I got to thinking about what I could write about now.... that would keep me posting regularly.  There's probably a way to update this blog with my phone, which would be sweet, because then I'd be more likely to post a photo of the day.  We'll see.  Suggestions are welcomed, as always.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011


Last night I had a conversation with a friend of mine who is a mom.  I was telling her that I want to go to India.  "Is that possible?" she asked.  "Sure," I responded, casually looking to the crossword puzzle on the table.  I explained to her that I want to find my mom.  "Is that possible?" she asked.  "I'm not sure," I told her, "but I have to try."

When I was younger, I had a dream once in which there was a map of the world hanging on the wall.  Each person had a pin in the location they were, and each pin was connected by a piece of yarn to another pin on the other side of the map.  But then there was my pin.... all alone, no yarn, no connection, nothing.  

I've always remembered that dream, and haven't neccesarily been able to let that go.  My friend asked what it's like in India, if moms there were allowed to feel remorse/sadness/wonder if they gave their kids up for adoption.  I told her I wasn't sure, but I could imagine that any woman who has carried a child is going to think about that child every day of her life.  I have to believe that.  I can't fathom the idea of my mom giving birth to me and never looking back.  She must wonder....right?   I wonder about her, most days.  I wonder what she was like, and who my dad was.  Do I have siblings?  Do they know about me?  I tend to think about my birth family more when I'm feeling down, and lately it's been on my mind and in my heart so strong.  I feel a sense of emptiness without knowing. 

Truthfully, I don't know that I will ever be able to find my mom.  I have to try though.  I have to.  Because what if she's in India, drinking tea, or doing chores, or studying, or mothering... all the while wondering what happened to me and if I'm okay.  I want to tell her that yes, I'm okay, but that I'm also incomplete without knowing her and where I came from. 

Sunday, October 23, 2011

People on my List to Meet..

Stevie Wonder...

who sings songs like this, that make me want to dance, cry, and sing.  

It's funny when you hear a song that hits a little too close to home.  If you're a musician, musically inclined, or even just musically curious... well, i guess if you're in this mindstate, it means more to you than it would otherwise.

Can't wait to meet you, Stevie!  Thank you for all that you have done.  

The Non-Religious Nun

If being a nun is anything like it is in "Sister Act Two" I'd love to be a nun.  
I'd love to be in an environment where I can give back to my community, sing with Lauryn Hill, not have to pay rent, and not have to worry about relationships.

That would be rad.  Just sayin'. 

I believe in higher powers.  I have to...I've lost too many people in my life to not believe that things don't happen for a reason/power bigger than me.  

I just don't know about the whole Jesus/God thing.  If you do, and are willing to share your story/experience, I'd love to listen/talk.  If you don't believe, or are like me and are questioning/trying to make sense....lets please also talk.


Do You See Me?

I'm running down summit or selby avenue in little shorts and a sports bra.  The following things happen as I pass people:
1. Man- occasionally checks me out, but not always.  If he's running the opposite direction, rarely will he wave or acknowledge me.
2. Woman- more than half the time ignores me, even though I wave, nod, or say hello.  A few women who run will wave, but most do not.
3. Man and woman- man ignores me, woman looks at the man to see where his eyes are.
4. Woman and woman- occasionally wave, but usually are too into their own conversation to see me.
5. Man and man- doesn't happen to often, so I don't know.

An average day, I'm walking up selby in jeans and a sweater, carrying my messenger bag:
1. Man- usually ignores me.  Unless he is older (70+), then I usually get a hello.
2. Woman- usually ignores me.  Unless she is older (60+), then I have a 50/50 chance of getting a hello.
3. Man and woman- slight chance they see me, but more often than not, I am still ignored.
4. Woman and woman- they see me, but usually pretend like they don't.
5. Man and man- again, doesn't happen very often.  When it does, I usually go unnoticed.

Last night, I'm walking up selby in huge basketball shorts, and a black sweatshirt with the hood pulled over my head, carrying a six pack of Winter Ale from Solo Vino:
1. Man- looks at me, but doesn't say hi.
2. Woman- looks at me, but doesn't say hi.
3. Man and woman- look at me, and keep talking to each other.
4. Woman and woman- look at me, become silent until I pass, and then continue their conversation.
5. Man and man- I don't think they saw me.
6. Man, woman, and child.  The man noticed me, the woman noticed the child, and the child was engaged with the woman and her shoes.

I got home last night, and was really interested in the number of people that actually noticed me.  I wasn't surprised that no one say hi.... why would they?  It was Saturday night, most folks were dressed up and heading to one of the fine dining establishments in the area.  I was shorts and a hoodie, having just finished a workout at the Y, and made a quick stop for beverages.  

What got me thinking the most, is how people don't often see or acknowledge me when I'm in regular clothes, during daylight hours, minding my business.  I often say hi to people I pass in the street, and will almost always at least try to make eye contact with them.  Usually though, it's like I'm invisible.  Last night, I was not invisible.  Why did people see me last night?  Was it because I was in big baggy clothes?  All one could really see was my chicken legs poking out from my over-sized shorts.  Am I really that threatening?  I'd like to think I'm strong and intimidating, but really.... considering size only, I'm not much of a threat.  

Sometimes being invisible is cool.  I can do what I want (for the most part) and go unnoticed.  People don't bother me, I don't bother them.  Places where I'm used to being very visible is when I go into stores.  I'm noticed before I walk in the door.  I have a better chance of not getting followed, harassed or insulted if I'm dressed in nice clothes (but even then, if it's an upscale place, I often get the look of "you don't belong here.")  I know if I walk into a store wearing baggy shorts and a hoodie, I will be treated differently.  I've had this conversation with a friend, who says that she gets followed because she's overweight.  "Yes, but you can change that," I think to myself, knowing that it's not always that easy for everyone, and that I've been blessed with a reasonably high metabolism.  

I can dress the part...and often times I do.  I want to be seen as a respectable person.  I want to be seen as a smart, creative, caring woman who doesn't walk into your store to steal shit, who doesn't walk in my own neighborhood at night waiting to jump you.  I walk into your store because I want to purchase something, ask questions, or feel part of the community.  I walk in my neighborhood to get from place to place, or to just stay active.  

I pay attention to the clothes I wear.  I know how differently I am treated if I'm wearing sweats as opposed to dress pants and a suit jacket.  I think what hurts the most, is when I'm dressed up and still treated like shit.  I'm reminded of a time last winter when I went to one of those fine dining establishments with a (white) friend of mine.  I was in business casual clothes (dress pants, cashmere sweater).  She was in jeans, a hoodie, and a down vest.  We walked in, and the host was on the phone.  She didn't look up, acknowledge us, nothing.  The phone rang again, and she took that call.  After a minute or two of standing there, she finally said "Oh hi.... (awkward silence), can I help you?"  Table for two we told her.  She seated us in the back corner of the restaurant.  After a few minutes of sitting there feeling rejected, we left.  I don't think the hostess even noticed our departure.  Once we were outside, I asked my friend very honestly, "Do you think we weren't seated because I'm not white, because you're in casual clothes, or because we are two women together?" My friend said she didn't know; it could have been a combination of reasons.  We went somewhere else for lunch.

If the only time people consistently acknowledge me is when they see me as a threat (at night, in baggy clothes), that's unfortunate, and something I'm not sure how to deal with.  Do I make myself known?  Or am I okay under the radar?  I can't change my skin color (and yes, people notice).  I can change my clothes, but should it really change the perception of me as much as it does?  

I'm still just me.

(This is a video I made a month or two ago for Greg Laden.  I like the idea of this video, but I don't like the monologue at the end.  I was on 4 hours of sleep, and both physically and emotionally past the point of exhaustion.  Regardless, it kind of helps articulate some of what I've been thinking about last night/today.)

Friday, October 21, 2011


It's day 21 of the shoe project.  I've gotten some compliments on it, and have taken some heat from it as well.  I'm glad I've kept my word to wear a different pair of shoes everyday this month, but I will also be glad when it is done.  I think I've annoyed some people.  Oh well.

Today I spent about an hour writing what the "ideal asha" looks like and is.  It was good to take that time to reflect.  We all die at some point, and I think it's important to consider how we will be remembered.  I don't want to be remembered as someone who is sad, or lazy, or mean, etc.  I want to be known for being positive, witty, brilliant, loving, athletic, etc.... (I've got a ways to go, I know).  I don't live my life to please others, but lately I've not been living the life I want to live.  Time to make some changes.  

But before I do that, here's the last week or so in shoes.  Bare with me... only 10 more days!

October 14, 2011.  Walking to the co-op.  Photo by Kelly.

October 15, 2011.  After setting a new PR for my 5k.

October 16, 2011.  My grampa's racing flats.

October 17, 2011.

October 18, 2011.  Rental car.

October 19, 2011.  It's getting colder!

October 20, 2011.  My kitchen (and how this project got started).

October 21, 2011.  Photo by Sally at a potluck for brown artists.

I've got hockey practice tomorrow at 7:45am.  I missed the entire fall season with a shoulder injury.  It still hasn't healed, but I'm not resting it like I should be.... therefor, I'll be out on the ice in the morning!  I'm excited to play with a team again.  It's been years since I've played hockey competitively, so I'm looking forward to it.  I'm also just looking forward to meeting new folks, and making new connections.  We'll see how tomorrow goes.  Thank you to all those who read the blog; it means a lot to me.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Driving Music

I was driving somewhere the other day, listening to the radio, when halfway through the song I had an "oh shit" moment.  That moment continued as a listened more intently to the lyrics, and quick grabbed my phone so I could "shazam" what song it was. 

Today I shazamed another song, and was reminded of the one I heard in the car the other day.  I youtubed it (among other things then, of course), and was surprised by the video, as it was not at all as I had imagined.  Regardless of the violence, I still kind of dig the song. 

PS-- Shout out to those who do not hold it against me for turning iphone/internet applications into verbs.

Things That Need to Change

First things first.  A photo of today's shoes.  

October 13, 2011.

This has now become some kind of a game...planning what shoes to wear so I don't run out of "casual" shoes for work.  This weekend will be mostly running shoes/sneakers.  Woot!  I kind of like this game.

Anyhow....things need to change.  Here are a few things that I will do:

1. Workout in the morning.  Consistently.  Even when I don't want to.... I need get out of bed, throw on a bra, and get my brown ass out the door.  It's time to get ripped!! 

2. Play more music.  Write it down, sing loudly, get a 6th string for my guitar, and get a new keyboard.

3. Go to an al-anon meeting.  I'm nobody's bitch.

4. Find more work.  25 hours a week won't pay the bills.  

5. If #4 doesn't work, join the army.

6. If #5 doesn't work, move to India, look for my birth parents, and do volunteer work.

7. Start taking vitamins....because ice cream, waffles, peanut butter and beer do not provide a balanced diet (contrary to what I keep telling people). 

8. Go camping.

9. Get health insurance so I can get an MRI for my shoulder.

10. Get health insurance so I can continue to play rough.  

11. Quit listening to Adele.  If I had her on wax, I'd have ruined the record by now.  It's time for new music.  Suggestions are are mix cd's.  

12. Clean my apartment.  Make it shine!  Or at least pick the clothes up off the closet floor.

13.  Start doing the crossword puzzle again. 

14. Go to church.  I don't have to believe in it (church)...but like Buddha (and some others)'s not about the's the journey.  

15.  Start running outside more, so my lungs don't get that uncomfortable-feel-like-I'm-bleeding-in-my throat sensation when running outdoors this winter.

16. Talk to my mom more.  I miss her.  I miss my sister too.  I need to make a better effort to communicate with them.  I know this.  And so do they.  

17. Quit spending money....why by organic when I do so many other "bad" things for/to myself (i.e. occasionally use a microwave, loving high fructose corn syrup, talking on a cell phone while driving, etc).  

18. Get a reasonable amount of sleep.  Ha!

19. Take more photos.

It's midnight now.  My goal is to get up semi early, get to el gymnasio, and be done by 8ish so I can have a phone date with one of my go-to dudes.  I'm sure there's more to add to this list...but I can't think of anything right now.  I just know I need to make some changes.  I will make them, cuz lately (minus the cool new job), things have sucked.  And when things suck, they are not sustainable (except for the bush administration, but that's a whole different story).  I need to make the plans, take the steps, and have the courage to get things done.

20.  Oh yeah.... and learn how to skateboard properly. 

21.  And walk in heels.

22.  Damn.  And my schoolwork.  Hmph.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Getting Harder

The shoe project is getting harder, not because of my shoes, but because I want to make each photo different and interesting.  I learned at work today that we can wear anything but jeans.  This means, we can wear sweatpants if desired!  While I don't want to wear sweats to work, I'd been struggling with how I might make dress pants and running shoes work (because that is likely what I'll be wearing the last week or so of October).  My continued challenge is going to be to take good/unique/interesting photos.  Here are the three from so far this week.

October 10, 2011.

October 11, 2011.  My Grampa's Nike Cortez from the 70's.

October 12, 2011.  

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Weekend Jock

I feel like a jock as I post photos from the weekend.  Last night I went to the Wild season opener.  We (the Wild) played hard and won.  It was a great time, and I love the photo that Steph took of my shoes.  It's funny...yesterday I ran 4 miles, and for 3.75 of of them, I was thinking about what shoes I could wear to the Wild game that I hadn't already worn this month.  I have a feeling by the end of October, I'll be wearing the ugliest of the ugly.  

Today's shoe choice is in honor of football Sunday.  I think I'm going to watch the Packers game tonight, so I've got my green/yellow shoes on to show my support.  And no, I never thought I'd be a packer fan....and I'm not sure that I actually am... I just know a lot of really cool women who are... so I tend to tag along.

October 8, 2011.  Wild Season Opener.  Photo by Steph Millar.
October 9, 2011.  Football Sunday.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Clothes Rainbow

If I organized my closet, I'd have a rainbow of clothing.  I explained this (among other things) to my mom this morning, as we had coffee in celebration of her birthday.

"You know, I have a decade old green t-shirt from the rec center I used to get kicked out of everyday, that I can wear under a gray cashmere sweater, and match it to my green diesel shoes."

Why do I have countless other green shirts and two pairs of green diesel shoes?  I do not know.  

I learned today that my new job has a uniform; a "hanes looking" t-shirt repping the program, with any pair of dress pants I have.

I'll have a total of three shirts.  I'm going to have to get creative. 

October 6, 2011.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

ps I got the job!

The interview boots from Day 4 must have worked.  I got the job.  I start on Monday.

Day 5 shoes are oldies, rarely worn, not extremely comfortable, but match my "I got it on, Kawasaki" t-shirt with a motorcycle on it.  Location of photo: Sweeney's Saloon, while eating the poor man's special. Photo by Brian.

October 5, 2011.  I got the job shoes.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Day 4

October 4, 2011.  Interview shoes.

These boots are super comfortable and are my "go to" dress shoe.  I need to get black polish however, as they are a bit rough around the edges.  This reminds me I need to get winter boots this year.  First things first; I need a job.  I wore these boots today for a job interview I had.  #Movingforward.

I'm going to see Esperanza Spalding tonight.  I am geeked!  I was able to get discounted tickets from living social, so I've not totally broken the bank.  If you don't know who she is, check her out. More soon.

Monday, October 3, 2011

The Shoe Project

There's a stereotype about women and shoes.  Being the obedient woman that I am (insert sarcasm among other things here), I do have quite a number a shoes.  While I don't have flats, pumps, or wedges... I do have plenty of running, casual, and awesome shoes. 

Some folks keep their shoes in the closet.  Others on shoe racks, doormats, shelves, or bins.  I keep several pairs by the door, but the rest I keep in my kitchen drawers.  In talking with a friend of mine, I learned not only that it's weird to keep shoes in your kitchen drawers, but also was challenged on if I wear all of these shoes or not.  "Yes I do" I immediately thought.  But in truth, I probably don't.

And so started "The Shoe Project."  Each day, for the month of October (conveniently one of the longer months), I will wear a different pair of shoes.  I realize this makes me seem like a materialistic, rich, jerkface, but rest assured... I'm not.  I just happen to have a lot of shoes, many I got on a big discount.  And..."a lot" of shoes is relative, right?  I mean, "a lot" to some folks might mean in the hundreds.  "A lot" to others may mean 10.  I think I'm somewhere around 30.  Maybe more, I'm not sure.  

Everyday, I plan to take a picture of my shoes and post it on facebook for my friend to see.  I was thinking this afternoon, while fishing with another friend of mine, that maybe I should post them on my blog too.  Here is day 1-3.  I'll update the blog as often as I can.  

October 1, 2011.  Stinky running shoes that matched the pink bra I wore while volunteering at a bike race.

October 2, 2011. Back of right shoe is tainted with bike grease.

October 3, 2011.  Fishing Lake Nokomis in sandals.  Caught nothing.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

A Spoonful of Peanut Butter

Helps the medicine go down?  Well...kind of.

Some mornings, J and I go to the gym.  We usually do 30 minutes of cardio, and then follow it up with 60 or so minutes of lifting.  It's a drag to get there some mornings, but once we get going, it's great.

I'm the kind of person who needs a lil something in my belly before I can run around.  When I run a race (like this coming Sunday, actually), I like to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich about 2 hours before race time.  If we get to the gym by 6 or 6:30am, there's no way I'm getting up 2 hours earlier.  I tend to rise about half an hour before needing to be at the gym, and finding nutrients is always a fun thing.

I'd say my go-to pre workout food is a spoonful of peanut butter.  Anything more, and I'll get a stomach ache.  Anything less, and I'll feel dizzy and weak.  Oh, and when I remember, I also take a scoop of N.O Xplode in a glass of water.  Apparently it's supposed to make me stronger.  We'll see.

Now that I need to be really mindful of my spending, I need some more food suggestions.  A week or so ago, I was with some folks who posed the question "What would you eat if you were homeless and only had 2 dollars a day?"  Another person took this down the route of "And you were homeless, on drugs, addicted to alcohol, etc..." Being stubborn/defensive, I of course had to chime in and say that not all homeless people are addicts.  But that's not the point of this story... The point is, what would you eat on 2 dollars a day?  I know people survive on less than that, but let's just start with this for the sake of the story.

If I only had 14 dollars a week to spend on food, I would probably go to Mississippi Market to get some grains.  I would likely get granola, brown rice, and maybe some quinoa or barley.  I'd also get some dried beans for protein.  I'd then head to super target or rainbow for some fruit and veggies (whatever was in season and the cheapest).  If I had any money left over, I would buy a bucket of ice cream.

A friend and I are supposed to sit down any day now, and talk about how to eat on a budget.  I did buy a book a few months ago on that same topic, but that was when I was gainfully employed and "eating on a budget" was more of a choice than a necessity.  I'm not down to the $2 a day thing yet, but I think it's important to think about how to stay fueled without breaking the bank....and doing so especially as someone who is active most days and needs adequate protein, nutrients, etc. 

Suggestions are encouraged from foodies, athletes, starving artists and moms.  All other opinions/suggestions are welcomed as well.  Thanks!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Love's in Need of Love (ASAP)

I try to steer away from "song of the day" because I feel lazy when I post someone else's video, rather than writing about what's on my mind and in my heart with my own words.

"Love's in Need of Love" by Stevie Wonder was my SOTD yesterday afternoon.  After Troy Davis got executed last night, it seemed even more appropriate.  Have a listen.  And then go hug somebody.  

There's a lot going on in this world, and it's easy to overlook things, forget or ignore people, and keep on "moving forward" without really paying attention.  A good hug can go a long way.  Trust me.

I may or may not be Scared of Heights

But as things would happen, I busted up my shoulder pretty good a few weeks ago, which is why I couldn't rock climb this weekend at my (new) friend's birthday extravaganza.  I didn't mention my fear of heights to the group, but it's there, believe me.

A few car loads, totaling about a dozen people made way to Duluth this past weekend to climb shovel point.  I took photos, and didn't partake in the climbing.  At night, we played music around a bonfire until our fingers hurt and our voices went hoarse.  It was rad. 

See below for a few photos from the weekend.  It was so nice to get out of the city for a few days, to be in nature, and experience the vastness of Lake Superior.  I can't wait to go back! 

In Light




First Time Climber (she rocked!!)

The Shoes of a Photographer


I can't remember who took this photo, but I love it!

Hanging Around.  Photo by Erika.

Mission Accomplished.  Photo by Kat.

All Smiles

The Whole Group!