Sunday, October 21, 2012


Most days, I have stomach aches.  They are more uncomfortable than painful, but I will say that after feeling like crap days on can take it's emotional toll.

Yesterday I took some enzymes at lunch.  I went to an apple orchard afterwords and wasn't feeling well.  I sat outside for a bit, and when it was time to go, I was super itchy!  My legs, my arms, my back, my head, everywhere itched!  When I got home (to the lodge), I stripped and was still itchy.  The only thing that provided some relief, was a shower with tea tree oil soap and some lotion. 

At dinner, the same person who gave me enzymes asked how they worked.  "It made me itchy" I told her.  Not quite the reaction she was prepared for.  I took some again at dinner to see if it was indeed these pills I was having an allergic reaction.

Last night, I had one of the best dinners I've ever had...and at 26 dollars, it needed to be good.  I had lobster bisque soup, followed by the best seafood pasta I've ever had.  I took the enzymes, and again, a few hours later was itchy all over my body!

I took a picture of the enzymes bottle (label) in case someone on the internet reads this and can tell me what may have caused the reaction.  I've never been allergic to anything, my whole life!  When I go to the doctors office and they say, "Are you allergic to anything?" I reply with "I'm allergic to bullshit."  

I'm hoping to figure out something about these stomach aches, but I now know that taking enzymes is not the right answer for me.  

Saturday, October 20, 2012


Little kids rebound better than Rebekah Bronson.

I'm hanging out with two little ones this weekend and its amazing to me that at one moment they are sad/crying/being kids...and within 30 seconds they can be happy/smiling/on top of the world!

In this way, I wish I were like a little kid. I wish I was able to forgive easier, and get over bad moods faster.

We can learn a lot from kids. We can learn what it's like to do as you want without embarrassment. We can learn to cry and giggle within 30 seconds. We can learn to ask the questions that grown ups are too passive or scared to ask.

Tomorrow I'm going to try and start embracing more of these playful and free-spirited expressions and ways of living.

Friday, October 19, 2012

17 minutes.

I have 17 minutes till I can post this blog for it to count for today.  Went on a haunted pub crawl... Quote of the night  from a 48 year old lady on the pub crawl bus--- "don't drive too fast, we're playing quarters on the floor."

Keeping it real.   Will write more tomorrow.  Lots to tell.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Type A

I like to classify my sister and my ladyfriend as "Type A" people.  Me... I'm more "relaxed, I just go with the flow."  Hmmm... or am I?

I don't go to sleep at the same time each night (unless "late" is a time), nor do I wake up at the same time.  Sometimes I sleep in pajamas, other times my clothes, and when I'm feeling hot (which could mean several things)... I'll sleep in my birthday suit.

Aside from the regular stuff like teeth brushing, there are a few things I must do before I go to sleep each night.  I will say that there's no "order" for these things, but still, they are adding up and sometimes can feel like more of a nuisance than anything.

Before I go to bed each night I must:

1. Do physical therapy.  I'm usually so tired by this point that I try and talk myself out of it, and occasionally will succeed, but other nights, I'll do my exercises.  

2. If I'm sleeping at my house, I turn on the space heater (in the fall, winter, and spring) or the window fan (in the summer).  I like to fall asleep with noise.  White noise, that is.  I also will usually crank the electric mattress pad on my bed, so that when I get in, it's already toasty warm.  Yes, I realize I am completely spoiled (and wasting resources) by doing this.

3. I fill out "The Chart."  I made this chart about 4 years ago, and minus one "bad week" when I left it blank, I fill it out every night.  I believe I've written about the chart before, so I won't go into many details.  It usually takes a couple of minutes to fill out, as sometimes it's hard to remember the things I did that day.

4. I fill out a budget sheet.  I track everything that I spent for the day.  Today, all I bought was lunch, at the co-op, so I would write "Lunch- 7.50."  If it's lunch, I write lunch.  If it's groceries, I'll write groceries.  Ideally, I should be saving money by buying groceries rather than lunches.

5. If me and the lady are having a sleepover, we both fill out "the book."  The book is this little blue notebook that each night, we take a few minutes to write one thing we appreciate about the other, and one or more things we are grateful for-for that day.  It's nice to get a compliment, or to know that my partner appreciates me, even if we may not have had the best day.  It's also nice to have to really be intentional in thinking about what things I am thankful for.  It's easy to go the whole day without paying attention to the little things, so taking time at the end of the day to reflect has helped me to realize how awesome my life really is.

6. When I can't fall asleep, I read Walden.  I've been reading that book for the last couple of years and haven't made it past the first couple of pages.  I'm not sure why I can't get into it (cuz the preface of the story sounds amazing).  Regardless, it knocks me out like NyQuil, but without the hangover.

7. Music-- sometimes I'll go to sleep with it on.  Other times, I won't.  It's pretty random on if I do or not.  I try not to listen to really fast/awesome music before I go to bed, because then I'll be up dancing around or will feel inclined to get my guitar and play for a while.  Have you ever heard the phrase "Wikipedia is my crack cocaine?"  Well, music is my drug of choice.  I can get lost in music so easily, whether it's listening to music, or just writing my own stuff.  

So there it nightly routine.  The chart is funny-- I showed it to my friend Steve one time, and he said "Holy Sh!t you talk about your sister being Type A?  Look at you!"  Maybe he's right.  Maybe I am type A.  That's fine, I suppose.  I guess maybe that's part of growing up-- learning how to be more organized and scheduled.  Or perhaps it just means I'm getting rigid and losing my honey-badger/free as a bird/ride the wave attitude.  I suppose I'd prefer the latter.  


Wednesday, October 17, 2012

My Baby Blanket

I don't remember if I had a baby blanket, but I'd be willing to bet I did.  

It's one of those things that you carry with you when you are scared.  It's one of those things you tote along side you when you don't want to feel alone.

I'm 28 now.  No time for baby blankets.

Instead, my material security (literally) comes in the form of old t-shirts and pajama shirts.

When my grampa died, I got some of his clothes.  Included in this new wardrobe was an oversized shirt with fishing lures on it that read "women want me, fish fear me."  Yes, my uncle was confused when I claimed it, as we all we cleaned and organized the last of my grandparents stuff, but I didn't care.  I wanted that shirt. I wanted the comfort it resembled.  I wanted the safety it emanated.

I got several other shirts of my grampa's, including 3 pajama shirts.  I'm not quite sure how he fit in them, but apparently he made it work.  My gramma sewed pockets into all of his PJ shirts.  When I got them after he died, there were cough drops and kleenex's in the pockets.  It was gross...but also kind of adorable.

When I feel sad, or alone, I often hold on to something that reminds me of my grampa.  I'll put on one of his old shirts, or cuddle up with the pillow that came from his and my gramma's house.  For a long time, all of those things still kind of smelled like my grandparents.  My grampa didn't smell particularly good... but I associate the smell of him with being safe and being unconditionally loved.  

When I feel alone now days, I put on one of my grampa's shirts.  It's my silent way of saying "Hey, I need you."  The cool thing is that he always shows up.  

In one way or another, I'm never really alone.  It's good to remind myself of that sometimes.  


Why Physical Therapy is Important

Three months ago, I had shoulder surgery.  They repaired a torn labrum, and cut a bunch of tendons and put anchors in them.  For the next 6 weeks, I spent my time in an immobilizer.  I wore it every day, even to sleep in.  When I was told I could get rid of the immobilizer, I did.  My arm was essentially stuck.  The ball and socket of my shoulder had calcified, because it wasn't used for 6 weeks.  Soon after, I started Physical Therapy.

Reasons Why I do PT (most nights)...

1. So I can reach top shelf anything.
2. So I can spoon my partner.
3. So I can throw a ball, play hockey, and shoot hoops again.
4. So I can lift weights and get my strength back.
5. So I can play guitar again.
6. So I can rock climb, fish, and play tennis.
7. So I can carry a backpack without pain.
8. So I can get dressed without being so awkward.
9. So I can dance the Macarena.
10. So I can get full range of motion back.
11. So I can be normal again, and do all the things I used to love to do.

11 is the kicker.  I miss being able to do the things I love(d) to do.  I keep these things in mind each (or every other) night when I do my exercises. 

Monday, October 15, 2012

The Hurried Hungry Post

I rushed home tonight to write a blog before going back out again, because I thought I had made it a goal to write every day this week.  Come to find out... I was more vague.

I often post weekly goals on Facebook on Mondays.  I rarely meet these goals, yet I still think it's good to have them.  See this weeks' below:

Goals for the week:
1. Run 4x
2. Lift weights 3x
3. Brainstorm Halloween costumes for me and my ladyfriend
4. Write a couple of blogs
5. Submit a few resumes for part time gigs
6. Figure out/pay medical bills
7. Study 5x
8. Eat lunch every day
9. Drink 8 glasses of water every day
10. Abs 5x

I accidently missed lunch, and am about 6 cups of water short of my goal.  I didn't study....yet, but there's still time.  Same with an ab workout-- I can do that in a matter of minutes.

There's a lot of updates/photos I want to post on my blog, but I can't tonight, because I need to eat some dinner and accomplish a few of the goals I set.  I'm going to see if I can write each day (or night) this week on the blog.  I feel salty for not having written in 3 months.  

Until tomorrow...


Sunday, October 14, 2012

3 Months Later

I'm guilty of not writing in my blog for the last 3 months.  For half of that time, I was in an immobilizer, which made typing (and everything else) tough.  The last 6+ weeks though, I have no excuse.

Each week, I write a list of goals.  One for this following week will be to write in my blog everyday (for the week).  I have a lot of catching up to do.

I tend to write the most when I have a bunch of other things to do.... like now (I need to do school work, write a letter, bring cooking stuff to my partner's house, etc...). 

More tomorrow.... and hopefully I can be a bit more consistant.