The most amazing weekend....

I won't go into details about why this weekend was amazing.  I'm too tired.  

I will tell you how it feels, however.  It feels great. 

Most of the weekend was spent with women.  Friday night was with a majority of folks I had never met.  It was great.  I got "into it" with my family the previous weekend about how I don't "do small talk", and I can ask intimidating questions and what not.  I agree in part, that I'm more observant than chatty, but for some reason I had a great time telling jokes, listening to stories, and being around new people.

Saturday I hung out with a dear friend who gave me a book that hits the heart.  We hit up a garage sale and talked about life and the different choices we are faced with each day.  I spent Saturday afternoon on a boat.  It was great to be with positive people, in the sun, on the water.  I even caught a fish!

Saturday night I had organized a group of people to take night photos.  Me...the organizer was running late, so it only ended up being a few of us.  What was supposed to be night photography in downtown saint paul ended up with me wearing carharts, no shirt, and a mohair scarf covering select parts of my chest, forehead covered in eye shadow with a couple of friends.  What started as a trip to my house to get an external flash turned into a photo shoot with two amazing women.  The energy was beautiful!!  (photos coming....soonish).

Today I went to the farmers market and then to the farmers market brunch my friend hosts.  It was lovely to see folks.  The energy this weekend was amazing!!  It's hard to explain how good I feel-- it has certainly been a while!  

I feel so blessed to have so many rad people in my life, but at this moment, so honored for the women in my life.  Being a woman is hard.  Being a human is hard.  Finding rad, inspiring, friendly, goofy, intelligent women to spend time with is so rejuvenating. 

I've got softball in a couple hours, which I'm excited for.  I've been goofy and smiling most of the weekend.  What a good feeling!  I'm sure I'm super dehydrated, and I know I'm sleep deprived.  I ought to try to live with a little more balance, but this weekend was go big or go home.  I went big (and eventually home).  It was amazing.  I am entering this next week feeling good, goofy, strong, and ready to go!  Let's hope it lasts... I made sure to write about it while in the thick of it... so I can come back and remember it when it passes.  

Life can be really good...if you're open to it.

Ani Difranco Makes Me Want To Die

Seriously.  And that's why I don't listen to her music very often.  I mean, I love her music and her words-- she is a brilliant poet.  But damn...her music hits deep sometimes. 

I went to the gym this morning and had a so-so run and a good lifting circuit.  In my headphones were songs like "Love Save the Empty," "When I'm Alone," "Someone Like you," "Where I stood," "Giving Up," and so on....  

NO FUCKING SHIT I'M FEELING SAD!!!  

I read a kids' essay earlier this summer, in which he said that listening to happy music will make you do good things, and listening to angry music will make you angry.  "It's not that simple" I thought to myself.  Guess what...in a way, it is.  Now, I don't agree with the politicians who say that listening to rap music will make you do drugs and kill people.  I do however think that listening to sad music all the time is a way to subconsciously (or quite obviously) not feel better.

While at the gym today, I thought about what songs I could play that are happy.  Hmph.  On my new iPod nano that I just bought yesterday (I've now gone through 5 total...this is my 6th), I have the following playlists... 

"6.7.2011" -- mostly sad stuff i've been listening to this summer

"Erin McCarley- Love Save the Empty"-- her full album

"Fuck It"-- similar to 6.7.2011 but faster

"Fuck You"  -- and old playlist full of pissed off songs.

"Long Jump Fast"-- some fast stuff, some angry stuff, plus a song i wrote that's super angry

"Long Jump Slow"-- some sad stuff, some calming/soothing stuff

"Meat 2005"-- bday gift for chris, mostly rock

"Meat 2006"-- see above

"Mix Tape- Asha Feb 11"-- Music J sent me via email/gchat

"SI Photo Shoot"-- an upbeat mix I used when doing a photo shoot

I suppose the SI Photo Shoot would have been a good (i.e. my only) option for some positive music.  Seriously, I'm not doing anyone any favors by listening to this sad stuff all the time.  It's a cycle though-- if I'm not feeling super giddy, I'll probably listen to something more akin to how I feel.  And if I listen to sad stuff, I'll probably feel sad.  See the problem in this?

It's going to be a beautiful day today.  I need to get ready to head into work.  A friend and I were talking the other day about the power of music.  I'm often "brought back to a place" when I hear a particular song.  (i.e. "Power of Love" by Luther Vandross reminds me of camping in the backyard at my moms old house-- me and my sister had the cassette tape and played it on repeat till the batteries ran out.  "Hurricane Drunk" by Florence + The Machine reminds me of running in uptown one slushy winter evening this year.  "Little Potato" by Metamora reminds me of when I was a little kid and my mom would request on MPR that they would play it for my birthday). 

Music is a powerful thing.  It can lift us up, it can keep us down, or it can do something in between.

What's on your playlist?

Do you have a moment?

Do you have a moment for starving children?  "No, I don't" I say, walking past the folks with clipboards at the co-op.  The truth is, I do have a moment for starving kids, women's rights, and the trees getting cut down... I don't however have extra money to give to the cause.  Not at the moment anyway.

A friend of mine was ripping on blogs (in general) the other day.  "Who would want to read someone's blog, it's like reading a diary, I don't want to read your diary, you're not that important."  I didn't mention to her that I have a blog (although I know she's read it in the past).  So, what's the point of a blog?  I'm not really sure.  The point of mine?  To inspire?  Sometimes.  To question?  Occasionally.  To be heard?  Yes, I think so.

Sometimes... I just need someone to listen.  Whether it's a friend or someone I've never met who lives a thousand miles away (or just around the corner), it's comforting to know that maybe someone is listening.

I'm going to time this blog...because I can't spend much time writing.  I have a lot of work to do today.  

I've been running lately.  I spent too much money on a watch (an impulse purchase, no doubt), and it tracks my distance, calories, heart rate (once I buy the strap for it), and maps my runs using GPS.  It's pretty cool...but totally unnecessary.  

I was running a few days ago, and things were going okay.   Nothing out of the ordinary, really.  I went 2 miles out, turned around and headed home.  On my way back (less than a mile from home), I saw a woman I haven't seen for a few years.  We met in New Orleans back in 2006, and she used to live here (in Minnesota), but has since moved to the west coast.  I was surprised and happy to see her.  How random, I thought!

We chatted for a bit...she was in town for a spoken word event.  As we were standing there talking... I started to feel really weird.  "I don't feel so well" I told her.  All of a sudden, my vision went black.  And then it went black with some blue spots (like a migraine).  And then just black.  My hearing cut out too.  "Well this is weird" I said (or something like that).  My friend encouraged me to sit down, and gave me some of her water.  I told her this had never happened before.  I mean sure,  I get lightheaded sometimes when I'm at the gym...but never where I can't see for an extended period of time.  

A few (5?) minutes later I stood up.  "I think I'm okay" I told her.  I spoke too soon.  Again, my vision went black.  WTF?  Not cool....at all.  It was kind of scary, but I also felt so blessed that my friend was with me.  How lucky am I?  Had I been alone, I probably would have tried to "shake it off" and get myself home...only to pass out somewhere along the way.  Serendipity-- that's what I think.  It was so great to see my friend, and then to have my body get all funky like I did...dang, I am one lucky lady to have had her with me.  

I worked out this morning... I went for a short run, then to the gym to lift and do an ab workout.  I've been trying to find good foods to keep me fueled.  I think my favorite as of late is watermelon...because it's great to keep me hydrated.  I've been wearing a amethyst necklace from Donna Menne Designs, which has been helping me stay balanced.  (Funny story-- I took it off to play softball a couple weeks ago, and when I was up to bat, I swung, hit the ball, and fell over.  I should have worn the necklace).

Oh, I almost forgot...I'm getting back into hockey!!  A relatively new friend has encouraged me to join her team.  I went and skated with some of them last week!  I hadn't skated competitively for 10 years...and let's just say...watching a lot of hockey does not make you a hockey player.  I've got some catching up to do!!  It was fun to be back on the ice (although my ankles are not hockey ankles anymore).  I'm excited for this fall/winter to start playing more often.  Seems like a cool group of women to skate with!!  

I better go.  I've got a lot of work to get done today, plus a softball game this afternoon.  Hope all are well, and many thanks for reading this blog.  It's not always happy or witty or insightful....sometimes its just random thoughts, but I appreciate you reading it nonetheless.  

Song of the Day

Nuff said.  Happy Tuesday, y'all.  Let your light shine bright and your heart be open.

Places

I am all over the place right now.  Not literally of course.... I am sitting on my couch.  

I woke up an hour before my alarm went off this morning.  I have been rising fairly early, which is nice because it leaves me more time to get less accomplished (yes, you read that right), but damn...some days I just want to sleep in a little bit longer.

Restless, and annoyed (by 6:30am, yes), I walked to the coffee shop.  I picked up the paper, a cup of coffee, and a bran muffin.  POW, morning plans taken care of.

Or so I thought.  I just spent too many minutes looking on sierratradingpost.com for boots.  Yes, it's hot as heck outside, but I don't want to do like I did last year and wait too long to get a pair of winter boots.  I swear last winter I spent more time looking online for a good pair of boots than I did actually outside doing stuff.  Okay, so maybe that's over-exaggerating a touch, but not by much.

Last night, I went to a celebration of life for my friend Felix.  It was a beautiful tribute to a beautiful man who was taken from this world far too soon.  As I was driving home (from his celebration), I was thinking that we really do need to celebrate life, everyday.  He was someone who did that.  I, however, do not.  

Lately, yes, I try to be more mindful of each day, and to take things in stride.  But really celebrate?  I'm not sure.  <-- which actually means no, I don't celebrate life each day.  Life is short, and sadly, as more friends pass away, I am reminded of this.  It shouldn't take someone dying to spark my zest for life, my reason for living, my purpose of being.  I should celebrate life each day.  We all should.  We should celebrate each other, everyday, because no one can say for sure when our last day will be.

Death scares me.  Life scares me too sometimes.  

The title of this blog is places, because I feel like this morning I am all over the place.  I have to go to work in a few hours, and I'm waiting for this muffin and coffee to digest a bit more so I can get a quick workout in. 

Last night (after felix's), I laid low and played piano.  My "big" keyboard is broken, so I played with my little Axiom 25 (which I still haven't really learned the ins and outs of).  It was nice to play...one handed of course, like a 5 year old.  It was nice to listen to a song, and for lack of better terms, "sound it out" and learn it for myself.  I like doing stuff like that.  It's simple.  It's calming.  It can sometimes get frustrating, but that's the way the cookie crumbles.  Wow...I'm full of cliche phrases.  

I need more nights like last night...one's where I focus on me, focus on putting positive energy into the world, and letting my creative side get a little more creative.  Despite feeling low this morning, I know I have the whole day in front of me to make it better.  And if it doesn't, I'm the only one to blame.  I'm learning that I can't control others...I can only control myself.  I'm learning how others control me, and what I need to do about it.  I'm in the thick of learning a whole lot about myself and the world right now.  

Pema Chodron says it best..."Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know."

youtube is my crack cocaine

I don't do drugs.  I do wikipedia and youtube.  

I was sent the name of a song earlier, so I looked it up when I got home.  That lead to me looking up a few dozen other songs.  Somehow, I landed on Jonny Lang's "Lie to Me." 

It brings me back to junior high....when kid Jonny Lang was no longer a kid, and our whole band (the Sugar Divas) absolutely loved him!  Ridic....but also a really talented musician. 

What I like about "Lie to Me" is twofold.  First off...I appreciate his hair.  It's like every boy I went to school with in Junior High.  Secondly, I appreciate his heart...you know, putting his heart into his music... you can see it in his guitar playing, hear it in his voice, etc.  We don't see that as much now days....with things like auto-tune and whatnot.

I don't know what I'll listen to tomorrow.  Everyday is another toss up, if you want to know the truth.  Lately I've been listening to "God Save the Empty" by some lady (I forget her name).  In the meantime...thank you Jonny Lang for putting out good music many years ago.  You bring me back in time with a push of a (play) button.  Xoxo.

Side note....I've been running/working out more lately.  It's been SO good.  I feel good when I run, I feel good when I'm active (mentally and physically).  I'll write more about all that sooner than later. 

Peace out y'all.  And for the love of whoever, go hug somebody.  They might need it.

Song of the Day (and other ramblings)

Woke up at 5am today.  Was at the gym by 5:35.  Got in a short run and a good lift.  Home now.

Song of my day...

I saw Lauryn Hill perform this January.  She puts on a good show.  A real good show.

I saw Sia perform for the 3rd time (in my life) last Friday.  She is hilarious.  I want to hang out with people like her...funny people, who ask for gifts, and shove them down their pants once they get them.

I don't have much to say.  I need to shower and get to work. 

Oh...I entered in the lottery for the Twin Cities 10 mile race this fall, and I got in!  That's great...gives me something to look forward to and work towards.  I don't remember my time from last year's 10 mile...it was something like 81 minutes, or close to it.  My goal was to run faster than 80.  I did stop for a mimosa at mile 8, which I honestly don't think slowed me down.  If anything, the extra carbs helped get me to the end quicker!  My goal this year is the same...to run a sub 8 pace.  I think I can do it, if I continue to train and stay semi-disciplined. 

My neighbor saw me running on Summit the other day, and said I run like a gazelle.  I had to laugh, because when I ran at Central, my friend's dad said I ran like a deer, to which my friend replied, "You run like a deer that's been hit by a car."  That is because when I ran, my left wrist was limp (probably because I wasn't very strong).  I suppose I did look like a wounded deer.... skinny legs, big belly, and antlers coming out of my head.

Holy smokes....I'm tired, and rambling.  Time to shower, eat, and gitter done.  

To those who read this blog, enjoy life.  We've only got one chance.  Happy Tuesday.