Sunday, July 31, 2011


I am all over the place right now.  Not literally of course.... I am sitting on my couch.  

I woke up an hour before my alarm went off this morning.  I have been rising fairly early, which is nice because it leaves me more time to get less accomplished (yes, you read that right), but damn...some days I just want to sleep in a little bit longer.

Restless, and annoyed (by 6:30am, yes), I walked to the coffee shop.  I picked up the paper, a cup of coffee, and a bran muffin.  POW, morning plans taken care of.

Or so I thought.  I just spent too many minutes looking on for boots.  Yes, it's hot as heck outside, but I don't want to do like I did last year and wait too long to get a pair of winter boots.  I swear last winter I spent more time looking online for a good pair of boots than I did actually outside doing stuff.  Okay, so maybe that's over-exaggerating a touch, but not by much.

Last night, I went to a celebration of life for my friend Felix.  It was a beautiful tribute to a beautiful man who was taken from this world far too soon.  As I was driving home (from his celebration), I was thinking that we really do need to celebrate life, everyday.  He was someone who did that.  I, however, do not.  

Lately, yes, I try to be more mindful of each day, and to take things in stride.  But really celebrate?  I'm not sure.  <-- which actually means no, I don't celebrate life each day.  Life is short, and sadly, as more friends pass away, I am reminded of this.  It shouldn't take someone dying to spark my zest for life, my reason for living, my purpose of being.  I should celebrate life each day.  We all should.  We should celebrate each other, everyday, because no one can say for sure when our last day will be.

Death scares me.  Life scares me too sometimes.  

The title of this blog is places, because I feel like this morning I am all over the place.  I have to go to work in a few hours, and I'm waiting for this muffin and coffee to digest a bit more so I can get a quick workout in. 

Last night (after felix's), I laid low and played piano.  My "big" keyboard is broken, so I played with my little Axiom 25 (which I still haven't really learned the ins and outs of).  It was nice to handed of course, like a 5 year old.  It was nice to listen to a song, and for lack of better terms, "sound it out" and learn it for myself.  I like doing stuff like that.  It's simple.  It's calming.  It can sometimes get frustrating, but that's the way the cookie crumbles.  Wow...I'm full of cliche phrases.  

I need more nights like last's where I focus on me, focus on putting positive energy into the world, and letting my creative side get a little more creative.  Despite feeling low this morning, I know I have the whole day in front of me to make it better.  And if it doesn't, I'm the only one to blame.  I'm learning that I can't control others...I can only control myself.  I'm learning how others control me, and what I need to do about it.  I'm in the thick of learning a whole lot about myself and the world right now.  

Pema Chodron says it best..."Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know."


Lizz Thao said...

That's the spirit Asha. You've come a long way. You are a strong, creative, loving, thoughtful, and beautiful woman--don't allow others to diminish your light.

Anonymous said...

You play piano.. I learn something new every day about you Asha. Life and death scare me as well, but what is the point of living if you're afraid of death? You know the term " face your fears." How do you face death? Answer: by living...everyday to the fullest. Enjoy you life Asha~You only have one. Side note: Next time your in the cafe live a little and buy a chocolate muffin.

Emily Whebbe said...

The only boots you'll ever need. My feet freeze all winter and these are the only things I've ever worn that keep them warm without being sweaty or feeling like I'm wearing a plastic bag. I swear, they are the best...never too warm, never cold.

Anonymous said...

"Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know." How perfect.

Thank you for this. I don't know you, but I know your friend Sally.
Your thoughts on this resonate with mine right now. I appreciate your putting it down on paper (so to speak) so that I could feel less alone.