Resolve

I don't really believe in New Year's Resolutions.  I mean, I believe in them, they exist, whatever-- but I don't feel the need to have them.  No, I think everyday is a new day, and you should try that much harder to be better (??) than the day before.  Why wait till the beginning of a new year to change bad/old habits?  

A month or so ago, I decided my "resolution" was to quit saying "I should" and start saying "I will" or "I am."  For example, rather than saying "I should go for a run today" I'd say "I am going for a run right now."  I can't say that I've stuck to this resolution-- but it's been on my mind a lot, so that's a start.  

I worked at the group home on New Years eve day.  I worked about 10 hours and after a quick stop at Big Top arrived home around 8:30pm.  What to do....what to do.  Go get fucked up with my friends?  Meh-- doesn't appeal to me this year.  Go get fucked up with a bunch of people I don't know at Costellos?  Nope-- doesn't appeal to me either. 

I ended up staying home, having a few beers by myself, listening to music and just relaxing.  I took some time to write-- reflect on the past year.  2010 was an awesome year.

  I started running, trained and completed a half marathon, started playing guitar (again), got a job as the programs manager at an amazing theatre, and made some really beautiful friendships with amazing people.  2010 is going to be a tough year to beat. 

Like I said earlier-- I don't make resolutions-- at least not for the new year.  They ought to be made and evaluated several times throughout the year.  So...it just happened that I made a list of "Things I want to do in 2011" on December 31, 2010.  The list looks like this.  

-write more music

-play/practice more music

-run more consistently

-eat more

-write more (journal, blog, poetry, etc)

-join a (sports) team

-travel more

-camp more

-take more photos

-meditate (formally) more

-do more yoga too

So...this list should be looked at, added to, revised, etc throughout the year.  That's the plan.  It shouldn't be too hard.  I think that's just part of being a mindful person.  Being aware and living intentionally. 

I had coffee with a friend this morning-- I had reached out to her to talk about death/grieving, etc... and she-- being someone who has a pretty close relationship with God-- said that each day she asks god what her will is for the day.  Now, I don't have a close relationship with God...but that doesn't mean I can't ask the question.  I can ask myself-- what is my will today?  What am I here for?  What's my purpose?  What can I do?  What should I do?  What will I do?  

There's something about leaving affirmations on post it notes that appeals to me.  The other day, in the midst of my grieving, my friend said to practice non-judgment (on myself).  "Yeah right," I thought.  But I wrote myself a note anyway, and stuck it on my computer...it's a good reminder.  

Sometimes I have the urge to leave a note for myself on the door, that says "What will you do today?" or something similar.  I went to a bookstore the other day, and almost bought a daily calendar with Dalai Lama sayings-- but then I found a crossword calendar that totally won me over.  My point is -- sans the inspirational calendar-- I need to take a moment each day to really be mindful and appreciative of this life.  We only get one-- probably.  Might as well be present for it, yeah?

Happy New Years y'all.  Wishing you a kick ass 2011, filled with meaning, laughter and growth.