I'm a sucker for a cream based soup.

Here's the deal--

This is not going to turn into a food blog. I can promise you that. However, this morning, I got to thinking.... I am a sucker for a cream based soup.

This morning, my friend Keri called me to make plans for playing guitars later today. We've been practicing on our own for the last week or so, and are gonna hook up today and see how we sound. I'm excited. I hadn't played my guitar for so long before that. Anyhow, Keri called around 930, thinking I would still be asleep. Sorry friend, you were wrong. We made plans for later in the day, and then just chatted on the phone for a while. Keri mentioned something about having made hash browns for breakfast yesterday. Yum.... hash browns. I instantly got hungry for them.

I'm on a budget now (i.e. I'm pretty close to broke), so I couldn't just take myself out to eat.... which was of course my first choice. 2nd pick, walk to the co-op, which is half a mile away. As I left my apartment, I noticed my car... and I had to stop and give it some thought. I was super tired, and super hungry.... I could just drive to the co-op, or even drive somewhere else and get food. But I thought better of it.... I know I enjoy my little walks. Makes me feel accomplished in some weird way.

Anyhow, I got to the co-op and here's what I bought. Remember, I went for hash browns.

2 yellow squash.
2 zucchinis.
3 things of the best yogurt ever.
1 thing of raspberry jam
bulk items: granola, mixed nuts, sesame sticks
6 brown eggs
1 pack of string cheese
2 red plums
1 black plum
1 package of hash browns
1 sunday paper
1 package of extra firm tofu.

I came out pretty well, I think. I've usually got to go grocery shopping when I'm hungry...otherwise, I wont get much of anything.

Oh, and so the title of this blog... I can't forgot about that. So...as I'm walking through the aisles, picking random things, snacking on items that are clearly NOT labeled "sample", I come to the deli. I say hi to my friends mom who works there, and then start looking at the soups. "something or other chowder". Fuck.... I love me some chowder. For real. Clam chowder, corn chowder, chicken chowder....whatever, I love it. I opened the lid of the pot, and took in the aroma that was steaming out of the top. Yum. I put the lid back on, and just stood there. (i'm sorry for anyone who had to watch my dilemma). I though to myself, "Damn, I really want this soup, and it's ready right now, unlike these hash browns which will take a while to cook". But...I was here for the hash browns.... that's why I walked up there in the first place. I smelled the soup once more.... and kind of messed with the ladle that was in there. Ugh, I closed the lid and walked away, feeling salty (yes, pun intended.... i was at a grocery store after all).

I went home and started to cook my hash browns. I started snacking on the sesame sticks and string cheese while I waited. I sent a text to my neighbor, to see if she had some ketchup. By the time my hash browns finished cooking, I wasn't really hungry. I didn't get any ketchup either. I used hot sauce....which tasted better than any ketchup would have.

So here I am, on my couch, with a belly full of sesame sticks and hash browns. Oh, and some yogurt. "Breakfast" is my biggest meal of the day (ideally), so I went all out this morning. It's okay though.... because while I am stuffed and waiting for this food to digest (so I can go on a run before Keri and I hook up), I will do the sunday crossword puzzle.

Life is good.

-asha.

Things I love...

Every now and then, I like to make a list of things I love...as a reminder that I do love things, love life, love being present.

I thought about doing that today, but have opted to write more about who I am. This may include things I love. This may include weird character traits. I'm not sure. I haven't written it yet.

Definitions of ourselves should be fluid. What "defines" me today, may not tomorrow. Maybe it will, I don't know, and I don't like the idea of having to know.

I could do this as an "I am" poem, but those always end up being too fucking deep. I don't want deep. I want surface... at least initially for this task.

(is this a task? i don't know. not really, i don't think). I think I need some coffee. Or maybe some tea. Something to wake my ass up. My water bottle is the closest thing to me... so water it is.


About me.

Food/Drink:
-I like my water at room temperature.
-I like my diet coke from a can.
-I like my vodka sodas with 2 limes and 1 lemon.
-I like green peppers only when they are raw.
-But don't like yellow/red peppers raw.
-One of my favorite things is to watch cream and coffee mix. It reminds me of a bi-racial relationship.
-I love ice cream. I eat it whenever I can. Like this morning for example. But I had a banana with it, to make it seem more like "breakfast".
-I love meat. But I'm broke, so I don't buy much of it.
-I love to cook, but cooking for 1 person (myself) is boring, so I don't cook as often as I'd like.
-I don't like to eat leftovers...this is probably because I don't have a microwave.
-Things reheated that I enjoy: Pizza (in a frying pan), and chinese food (also in a frying pan).
-I like sugar free popsicles, not because I'm watching my weight, but because they taste good.


Sports:
-I played hockey for 12 years. I could have played (lower end) D1. I kind of wasted that opportunity/talent.
-I lost my skates, sometime after high school.... I borrowed some from a friends brother, and had to give them back this winter. Now, I have no skates.
-I love to fish. Is that a sport? It's on TV sometimes.... and they have fishing jerseys, so it must be a sport.
-Why aren't there any women who umpire professional baseball?
-I played softball from when I was a little kid (actually, I started out in baseball), through the 9th grade. My coach always thought I cheated when we had to run the big block (around central). I was just that fast.... (compared to some thick softball players, big deal). She turned me off of the sport. I played a bit on a co-ed team with some friends, but the guys did the typical guy thing, and would basically run the women down trying to catch balls that were clearly not in their side of the field.
-I've gotten back into running lately. Thank god. I was slacking, and needed to make a change.
-Today I signed up to be a mentor for boulder options (like big brothers big sisters, but focuses on running/cycling).
-A couple of winters, I decided I should be a long jumper (mostly because my legs are long). I trained for a month or two, and competed in an open race at the U. I didn't come in last place.


Music/Sound
-I love music. Lots of people say that, but I really do. I take pride in my music library. -Sometimes people have asked to get my whole library on their ipod. I say no. This makes me a hater, I know... but I just can't do it. My iTunes library is my baby. I'll make you a mix CD though, any day of the week.
-In my little apartment, I have 2 turntables, a guitar, 2 keyboards, a drum, and a trumpet. Believe it or not, I'm actually a pretty quiet neighbor.
-I used to have a "sound machine" that I'd put on when I slept. I'm letting a friend use it this summer, since I have a window fan going most nights.
-I want to learn how to read music. I'm not very disciplined when it comes to doing it though.
-One of my favorite things is to wear my big ass headphones at track meets. This is for 2 reasons... one, it prevents me from getting "spooked" when the gun goes off. and two, it's really amazing to listen to sigur ros type stuff while watching fast/intense running races...it's kind of surreal.
-I want to see stevie wonder play live. Ideally at First Ave (or my house, if he really wanted to).


School/Education.
-I've been in/out/around college for 8 years. I'm still working on my bachelor's degree. I'm annoyed.
-I think education outside of the classroom is equally (if not more so) important that "traditional" education. I wish more people thought that way.
-I want to be a high school english teacher. Or maybe a counselor. Or maybe a social worker. I don't really know what exactly, but I want to be in a position to use music/art/creative writing to -help youth work through their issues/concerns in positive ways.
-I still keep in touch with some of my teachers, one from almost 20 years ago.
-I collect books, many of them non-fiction. I want to have my own library (at my house). -Furthermore, when I have a question about something, I want to be able to look it up in a book, not on wikipedia.
-I like to write. I should do it more often. I should do a lot of things more often.


Other things:
-I love hooded sweatshirts, and wearing layers of clothes. I can't do this in the summer, so I wear what every other mid 20's girl is wearing right now.... knee length shorts. Sigh.
-I love old people. LOVE them.
-I have the soul of an old man.
-My grampa was my best friend. If you've been reading my blog for a while, you should know this.
-I am not a morning person, but I am trying hard to be.
-I have a lot of different friends, from all over the place....they are different colors, genders, orientations, classes, personalities, ages, etc. My friends are awesome.
-I'm liberal in my thinking, but get annoyed with liberals. I get annoyed with conservatives too... but at least conservatives are honest about being greedy.
-I love st paul. I'm a st paul kid. I may leave, travel, study, whatever, but my heart is in st paul.
-I love kids. They are inspiring, humbling, challenging, etc... I want more kids in my life (not my own kids--yet, but kids to hang out with for a couple hours, or a couple days... and when they get bratty, teach them a lesson first and then give them back to their parent/s.
-My couch is more comfortable than my bed. If you stay the night, and we are not sleeping together, don't be surprised if I take the couch.... and yes, I'm trying to be a good host and give you the bed.
-I might go to noon meditation downtown st paul today.
-I'm true to my word. If I make a promise, I will keep it. (the only time I will break it, is if someone's health/life is in danger.... and if that's the case, I will let you decide who needs to make it known).
-I love doing the NYT's crossword puzzle. When I complete them (it's only happened a handful of times), I hang them up on my fridge.
-On saturday I wore a little white dress for a bachelorette party. Monday I wore carhartt overalls and worked a construction job. Tuesday I wore a business suit. Not to brag, but I made all of them work.


That's probably it for now. I've clearly bored myself. More soon. Oh, and the following is a picture that kind of describes my summer so far.... music and dead flowers. Life is good.

1:48:15

A couple weeks ago, I ran 12 miles with Jamie Cheever. It was the longest run of my life... so when I got home, I threw on dry clothes and went to the pub for a couple of "celebratory" beers. I didn't stretch very well, and this was a mistake. My legs were sore for the next week and a half, and my training dwindled.

Gramma's Half Marathon was this Saturday, June 19th. I'd been nervous leading up to it, for a couple of reasons. 1. I was not sure where I was staying. 2. I was not very happy with my running the last couple of weeks.

I woke up on Friday morning to pick up Koby, and I was nervous as hell. My stomach was doing all kinds of funky things, and I thought to myself... "even though the race isn't till tomorrow, I'm having my pre-race jitters". That was fine though, as I hoped then that race day would leave me cool and collected.

Koby and I arrived in Duluth on Friday afternoon. We picked up my race packet, and had a pasta dinner. After dinner, we watched the 5K, that Erin Ward and Carrie Tollefson dominated. Next, I met up with Leigh and Keith for a beer at Old Chicago. I went back to the tent where Koby and I camped (about a mile from downtown Duluth). I popped a melatonin pill around 9:30, and was asleep by 10.

Race day: Alarm sounds at 4am. Fuck, that's early. I went to the car, and got changed. I ate a PB sandwich, and took my vitamins. Koby dropped me off at about 5:00am to catch the shuttle to the start of the race. The shuttle ride was about 15-20 minutes, and it was nice to talk with people about the race and share the excitement.

It was about 55 degrees at the start of the race, and I was hesitant to undress (into my racing outfit of a sports bra and little shorts), because I didn't want to get cold. I had to be ready for the start though, so I stripped down and threw my sweats in a bag with a couple thousand other people's bags.

I was supposed to meet my friend Chris at the 1:50 pace setter, as my goal was to run 1:50 or faster. I saw 2 hour balloon, but along side it said 8 minute pace. Up where the 1:50 guy was, it said 7:45 pace. WTF, I thought? Had a been wrong in my math all along? I had e-mailed a bunch of people a few days prior, and said my goal was 1:50. If 1:50 was a 7:45 pace, I would be screwed. I lined up with the 8 minute pace people, and away we went.

A few minutes into the race (actually, probably 4-5 minutes into it, as it took me 2 minutes to even cross the starting line), I saw chris. What a relief. I told him I thought my math was wrong, but he reassured me, things were just lined up kind of funny at the race.

We ran together for the first couple of miles, and then parted ways. "Run your own race", Chris said to me. He was right. I needed to "own" my race.... I was the one in charge.

I ran with an older guy about 5-6 miles into the race. I had met him on the shuttle to the starting line. I told him this was my first half marathon. He said I was doing great. "7:54 we just ran that last mile in". Yikes... that's a touch too fast, this early in the race, I thought. I felt pretty good, but didn't want to push it.

One of my goals for the race was to run the 2nd half faster than the first. By this time, I had lost the 1:50 pacer... he was ahead of me. "Stay calm", I told myself.

Along the route, there were people cheering, as well as people handing out water/powerade, sponges, and fruit. I had read once, to take a sponge that they hand out, and keep it in your shorts. When you go through the water lines, you can dip your sponge in there and just suck the water out of it. It helps you hydrate without slowing down too much. This was one of my race tactics.

I grabbed a couple of orange slices along the route as well. I don't know if these helped or not, but I pretended like they did. I had heard from a friend that they hand out beer along the course too... but I was suspicious of this. Low and behold, somewhere along mile 10 (?) was a row of young men handing out "cold beer". I slowed down a bit, and thought to myself, "if I take this, will I sabotage my race"? I thought not, so I grabbed a cup and took a few sips. I'd read in Bob Glover's book "The Competitive Runner's Handbook" that a couple of beers every night isn't a bad thing, because it metabolizes faster than food. Anyhow, the beer didn't hurt me.

I wanted to stop running after about 10 miles. Even when I ran a 10 mile "race" a couple weeks ago, I stopped and stretched during the middle of it. This time though, I kept on.

I ran my last 1.2 miles around a 7:45 pace. I often have a pretty big kick at the end, which is something I don't want.... I want to be spent by the time I get to the end, so learning that my last mile was a quick one makes me happy.

Anyhow, I crossed the finish line at 1:50 something or other, but my actual (chip) time was 1:48:15. I achieved my goal.

Koby biked around and took pictures, and I will post them here. (note: I did some minor color editing to these pictures, but she was the photographer). I took a few pictures the night before, of the 5K, as well as a couple of pictures on sunday of Koby in Lake Superior. I will post a few of these as well.

Anyhow, this was longer than I anticipated...(I have schoolwork to do, that I am putting off, obviously). Short story long... I finished my first half marathon, and achieved my goals (to run 1:50 or faster, run the 2nd half faster than the first, and place in the top 10% of all women finishers).

I'm not sure what my next race will be. I want to drop my time to 1:45 or faster, which will take some consistent training. I might run a 10k in July, and then go for another half marathon in August. We'll see. I've been looking online for races, but none have really "jumped out" at me.

So that's the story of my first half marathon. Thanks to Koby for taking pictures and finding us a place to camp, and congrats to all my friends who ran this weekend. Oh, and thanks to those who sent me some positive energy over the weekend.

my race results.

photo taken by koby, edited by asha.

photo taken by koby, edited by asha.

photo taken by koby, edited by asha.

photo (of chris and asha) taken by koby, edited by asha.

re-hydrating with friends after the race. (photo taken by koby, edited by asha).

carrie tollefson running the 5k on 06.18.2010.

carrie tollefson and erin ward (winning the 5k). 06.18.2010.

koby heading to the lake. 06.20.2010.

koby in the lake. 06.20.2010.

Legacy

I ran 12 miles today. I'm exhausted. I'd love to write about how awesome Luis Castillo's "Michael Jackson Legacy Concert" was... but I'm too tired. Here are some photos from Thursday nights show. Congrats to Luis, the other dancers, and everyone else involved in the production.

Note: Click to open photos. They look better when viewed larger.

day two.

Another tough day yesterday. Jeez. Same as the night before, at around 7pm, I got really anxious and wanted to go home. What’s the deal? I’d only been gone a night, and already missed my friends. I guess that’s a testament to how awesome my friends are. It also means though, that I am a big wimp, when it comes to going out of town alone. Again though, I think the not being able to call people (and had planned on calling people) is what’s throwing me off.

Yesterday, I spent a couple of hours, in a lawn chair, on the shore of lake Superior reading, highlighting, and taking notes. No fishing pole. It was nice. I kept thinking about how much I wanted to go home, and then kept thinking how silly that sounded, as I sat with such beautiful surroundings.

I talked to Greg (my former advisor) last night on chat. It was nice to “talk” to someone. I cried again yesterday too… huh, maybe I’m PMSing or something, I’m not sure.

I went to bed last night at about 10:30, thanks to 3mg of Melatonin. That stuff really helps, I think. I like going to bed early, I’ve decided, cuz then I get up earlier.

I was up this morning at 5am. Yup, 5am. I opened the curtain, and peered out the window… it was getting lighter. I thought to myself, if I don’t make it through tonight (in that I pack up and go home early), this would be my last sunrise over the lake for a while. I didn’t want that.

I put on just about every clothing item I had (I know it’s May, but at 5am, I wasn’t sure what to expect). I grabbed my iPod (just in case), my camera, and my phone (that doesn’t get reception).

Just behind some trees, the sky was pink. It was nice to look at, I guess, so I took some pictures (with my camera and with my phone). I tried to take some “self portraits” with my camera, but they all looked like shit… remind you, this was at 5am… nothing is cute about me at 5am.

I don’t know the last time I’ve seen the sunrise. There may have been a few times I’ve partied so hard that I’ve seen it on my way home, and there’s probably been a couple of road trips that I’ve seen it, but those instances are few and far between.

I wasn’t sure if I would even see the sun actually rise. I mean, what if it came from behind me? I waited a bit longer, messing with all the options on my camera, and then BOOM, there it was, this big-bright-beautiful sun.

It’s amazing to me how fast the sun moves. I took some pictures; messed around with the settings some more, and I swear the sun had moved significantly within minutes, maybe even seconds. It was pretty cool.

At 5:30 this morning, I headed back to the cabin. (Oh, and shout out to Meredith Rambow. I know you get up super early, like 4:30 or 5:00, and I definitely thought about you this morning, and thought about all the beautiful sunrises you see).

Anyhow, I went back to the cabin and 5:30 and jumped back into bed (with all my layers on). I also cranked the heat in here to about 80 degrees. The plan was to wake up at 6:30, which I did, but I didn’t much feel like getting up. So I went back to bed. It’s 10am now, and I’ve been up and moving for about 30 minutes. Hehe.

The plan today is to hammer out some work. I’ve got some more reading to do, for my paper on hip hop pedagogy, but I think I can write out my last two essays for my student teaching project without any problems. Anyhow, the plan is to work on my stuff through the afternoon (till about dinner time), and then either pack it up and come home, or go fishing.

I’ve got these 2 poles with me, I don’t know why I haven’t gone yet. I guess because I’d feel guilty if I was up here fishing, rather than studying. Another thing: I haven’t run since I’ve been here. I’m training for gramma’s half marathon, and really shouldn’t go 2 days without running, but I totally have. Maybe I will run today, early afternoon or something. I don’t know why I’ve been so hesitant to run up here… maybe cuz the air is so clean it freaks me out? I don’t know. There’s no excuse really.

Anyhow, if you’re reading this, thanks. If you’re reading this today, feel free to send some energy my way at 7pm, which is when I’ve struggled the last 2 nights. If you’re reading this after the fact, hit me up and see how my projects have come along. Hopefully I will have something good to report.

Untitled (for now).

When in doubt, listen to “Dirt off Your Shoulder”, the Jay-Z/Verve mash up. It makes everything feel better. At least it does for me, this morning.

I arrived “up north” yesterday afternoon. The drive wasn’t bad; I stopped once for gas (ice cream, and a scratch off). I listened to a “how to speak Hindi” CD along the way. I did lessons 1-2 (twice each). I can now say hello, do you understand, please listen, do you understand English, do you understand Hindi, a little, very much, how are you, I am very well. Not bad for 2 hours of practice. I switched between learning Hindi, and listening to the Twins play the Yankees. We’d lost do those damn fools the last 11 or 12 times (in New York), so yesterdays win was definitely needed.

Baseball is not why I’m here though. I am here (up north), to get my projects for school done. These projects are all about 2 years old, half completed, and really all I need to graduate. When I arrived here yesterday, I nearly had a panic attack… it was horrible. My phone doesn’t work at the cabin (or anywhere close to here), which is fine, because I don’t need to talk to anyone, I came up here to “isolate”, but it’s not fine, because when I can’t have something, or don’t have something, it is then that I want it. Also, it would just be nice to have anyway, so I could check in with folks (if I wanted…and I do).

Yesterday was a tough one. I got here around 3:30, and started in on my work around 4:30. I had a hard time focusing, breathing, and keeping my shit together. I went up to the “lodge” around 7ish, and jumped on facebook, putting out a call for positive energy from my friends. I think it helped, a little bit. I went back to the cabin (where there is no internet), and started in again on my reading. I got a lot read (compared to earlier in the afternoon).

Shortly after 9, I decided to call it a night. Weird, right? Those who know me well know that I don’t usually sleep until 1 or 2am. Last night was different. I just wanted it to be over. If I could make it through the first night, I knew I’d be fine.

I started to cry around 9 last night. Big tears crying. That’s okay though. I was thinking a lot about my grampa. I brought a picture of him and my gramma up to the cabin with me, so I wouldn’t feel so alone. (I know that sounds kind of weird, but whatever, I don’t care). I also brought my grammas old pillow (okay, for sure that is weird, but again, I don’t care…) it’s like a stuffed animal or something to me, it’s lumpy as hell, vaguely smells like my gramma, and it’s just really comforting for me to have around. Anyhow, I had a good cry for about 20 minutes, and half way tried to “keep it together” and the other half to just “let go and roll with it”. I jumped in bed around 9:30, wrote (in a journal) for a while, and then did a crossword puzzle. I turned out the lights at 10pm. I should mention, I took some melatonin (thanks Julz) around 9:15, which definitely helped me calm down and settle into bed.

I woke up this morning around 6am. Seriously. Actually, I woke up around 5:30, looked outside the window to see if I could see the sunrise (sounded like a good photo op), but I didn’t see much, so I went back to bed till around 6ish. I woke up, ate breakfast (i.e. a protein shake), and then headed into “town” (a one block town, not even with a main street). I grabbed a shitty cup of coffee, and now am back to the cabin. I took a couple of pictures along the shore (of lake superior) but I don’t have my little gadget to put my camera card into my computer. Oh well. I’m home on Wednesday, so it’s not a big deal.

Today I am going to put in several hours of studying. I will likely take a break during the middle of the day, to go into a bigger town, maybe get some more coffee, or perhaps grab some lunch. There’s lots of fishing around these parts too, and since I brought 2 poles, I might as well get a line in the water at some point as well.

I think the reason I got stressed out last night, is because I’ve made a big deal out of this trip. Don’t get me wrong, it is a big deal. I’ve got to get this work done, and I’ve been saying that for 2 years now, and haven’t done it… so now that I’ve spent the money, and am out of town, more or less isolated… I need to get it done (and have no excuse not to).

I want to thank the people who sent good energy last night. I know there were at least a few of you, because I really did feel better after sending out that SOS on facebook.

It’s 8:20am. I’ve got 50 hours till I head home. I know it’s not the smartest thing to write online (facebook, a blog, wherever) that you are out of town… but I don’t care. I’ve got an apartment full of mean dogs with huge teeth and an angry man with a shotgun… so I wouldn’t recommend heading over there.

I will write again soon, maybe later today, or perhaps tomorrow. If you’ve been following my blog over the last year or so, you will know that when I have things to do (like really important school projects), I tend to write more.

Hope everyone reading this is well, and thanks again for the energy last night. It was received, and appreciated.

the garden: day one.

Julie and I went to get our overalls yesterday.... and let me tell you, it's pretty much impossible to find them. We went to 3 places (fleet farm, gander mountain, and dicks sporting goods). All 3 places had them, but none in our size. It was kind of rediculous.

Anyhow, the garden people (carol, and our family friend maya) came 2 hours early. Julie and I, in our quest to get overalls, missed the installation of the garden. Oh well. We were there in time for food, and to learn how to plant the stuff. When we first signed up for this, I told my mom I didn't want them to help us plant things... that we should be able to do it ourselves. Well... let's just say I'm glad they helped... we probably would have been screwed without them.

Here are some pictures from yesterday's gardening adventure...