Saturday, May 26, 2012

Bad Dreams, Good Lessons

Last winter, I had a heart to heart with a friend of mine, in which I told him that I often feel like I'm waiting for something bad to happen, so that I am forced to make positive changes in my life.  I of course don't want anything bad to happen, but it just happens to work out that when someone in my life leaves...I go into flight or fight response (?) and get all excited about getting my life together and "being somebody."  My friend said to have my own funeral.  He said, take all the negative things about you, and bury them.  Brilliant, I thought!

Last night I dreamed that a dear friend died.  She was killed, but I didn't get the details.  It was heart wrenching.  I woke up several times, after crying in my dreams.  And then each time, I would go back to sleep, only to cry more.  "I miss her, I should have called her, I love her and her family."  I felt so many regrets.  It's weird, because in real life, I was actually going to call her yesterday.  In my dream, I remembered this, and thought "I should have called her yesterday, and now I'm a day too late."  

Have you ever had those feelings after someone dies?  The feeling that maybe you should have told that person how much you loved them, how important they were in your life, how much you appreciated and valued their friendship?  Have you ever had regrets about not saying those things, or not making the effort to reach out?  I have, on occasion.

This morning once I finally woke up and got out of bed, I realized that it's not too late to call my friend, which brings me to my next point.

Stopping by.  I recently learned that a newish friend is a "stopper-by-er" meaning that she likes when people just stop by for a visit, unexpected.  I like that too!  In all the calendars I carry (two of them), and how organized and timed my life actually is... I really appreciate the spontaneity in life.  

There's a quote that says: “The best things in life are unexpected, because there were no expectations.” -Eli Khamarov.  I like this, because I often do find that some of the things that bring me the greatest joy are those unplanned events/meetings/adventures.  I want more of that in my life.

I've been realizing more and more how blessed I am.  I have really good people in my life.  And while I think I sometimes do a good job of letting people know that I love them and care for them, it never hurts to say it again.  

It's memorial day weekend...a time to remember the people we lost in war, but also in general, I think.  Additionally, it's a time to remember and acknowledge the people that are still here with us.  A simple phone call, or stopping by a friends house may be all that it takes.  


Fachon Romero said...

Asha live life each day with intention. It is your responsibility to have a full filing and happy life so you can create those positive moments. Don't wait for regret to settle in make small changes NOW! Start with a 2 year plan. Death is a part of the life cycle so have that funeral for your negative thoughts. You don't want regret to settle in and claim your life. Be that chica to stop by and say "Hey You"!!! I hope you didn't twitch in your MRI!!!! Thx and you are a positive force young lady you influenced me!!!~~~~Fachon

asha shoffner said...

Fachon! Thank you for reading my blog....and for helping me feel at ease about that MRI today. And for letting me "hover" while my CD of images was being prepared.

As we were talking this afternoon, I thought about how important and beautiful the world is when we open ourselves up (in conversation or otherwise) to new folks. We miss out on so much by doing anything else (or less). So thank you for letting me be the nervous (but kinda cute) patient who probably talked too fast and asked too many questions :)

misslariss said...

It sounds like you are seeking to use your deepest attachments and your losses to try to rebuild and be transformed in a positive way.
"Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found.”
― Pema Chödrön
Anyway, your blog is interesting! I just happened upon it because a friend of mine and I were browsing the okcupid site and came across your profile. I hope you don't mind if I read your blog from time to time.

misslariss said...

Oh, by the way, my name is Larissa and you can contact me at if you would like.