Wednesday, March 24, 2010

missing (him)

I went to the NCAA (women's) frozen four championship last weekend. Duluth was playing Cornell. At first, I decided to cheer for Duluth, because I'd like to see a Minnesota team win. Not long after this decision was made, I changed my mind, because Cornell was undoubtedly outplaying the Bulldogs.

There was a man, an old man, cheering for the Big Red (Cornell). He reminded me a lot of my grampa, in that he was just this cute old man, with a sign (that read "Go Big Red"), and he'd stand up and cheer and sit down and cheer. He was so sweet, and it reminded me of when my gramma and grampa used to come to my hockey games, and cheer me on.

I've been missing my grampa like mad the last few days, and last night, when I was in bed, I realized that seeing this old dude at the hockey game is what brought back all these (positive) memories of my grampa.

I'm close to tears as I write this, and have been close to tears several times the last few days. I don't know if what I'm feeling is grief, or if it's just loneliness. I guess I don't care what it's called. I just miss my grampa. I miss him coming to my hockey games, and cheering me on, just like the old dude did this weekend. I miss watching football games with him. Fishing season is just around the corner, and I already miss fishing with him.

I'm wearing his old pajama shirt right now, I slept in it last night. It's striped, and made of worn out cotton. There is a blue pocket that was sewn on it (likely by my gramma). After my grampa died, I took a bunch of his clothes. I remember there were tissues and cough drops in all the pockets of his jammy shirts.

I know these feelings of sadness and loneliness will pass. They always do. And really, it's not so bad to miss him. I'm just reminded of all the fun we had, and all the love we had, and all the love I still do have for him. It's a pleasant reminder, even though it makes me cry sometimes.


Your friend said...

That's very touching. You're making me cry reading this! I think it is cute that your grandma sewed pockets on your grandpa's shirts for him to keep his stuff in.

When I know that you are sad about your grandpa, it makes me feel sad for you but it also makes me feel impressed with you, and lucky to know you, because your sadness is all about the love and humanity that you are extraordinarily capable of, even if you often deny this and pretend to be a sour gruffian.

I made up the word gruffian, but you can use it if you want.

Chad said...

Hey Asha, I saw some of your photos from Human Race on your facebook page. I'm wondering if I can use the one of the older guy that you love, Ed Rousseau for an interview I'm doing on my blog;

I'll definitely give you credit for the photo. Please let me know what you think. You can email me at chadaustin AT charter DOT net.