Friday, November 21, 2008


she threatened me,
she promised bodily harm.
and all i can think about
is extending my arm,
opening my heart
and opening my mind
trying to see the world
or understand it through her eyes.
we all have a heart,
and we all have intentions
there's a good part in all of us,
even if it's never mentioned.
our sense and intuitions
they guide us and lead us,
our words and our actions
are fuel when they leave us.
we've got the power to hurt others
with guns, fists, and knives,
we've got the chance to love others,
if we let go of egos and lies.

(11.18.08. 17:45. asha)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I first off, want to say that this is a nice poem over all. It could use some work (you start by talking about an individual ("her") then move to society ("We"). Focus is essential.

Words like "extending an arm" are only for the ignorant when they feel threatened. Are your words too strong... are you just being drama and trying to be artistic, or were you actually threatened? Have you made any attempt to extend an arm in any way at all? In reality you know what you have done. Maybe you should be the one to truthfully own up to that? Maybe you haven't done anything wrong in the great scheme of life... but it sounds like you are scared that karma is catching up with you. And it probably is, Karma works large and small and effects everyone in every way.

If you truly had an "open heart" and an "open mind", I am sure you would have talked to this person, or made an attempt. Isn't that what you mean by "extending an arm" (by the way, I think the phrase you are wanting is "extending a hand." I understand you use arm for the sake of rhyming but the rest of your poem doesn't rhyme so why start there with using an awkward phrase?). Have you made any of these attempts you speak of.... are you acting on your own words or are you being a hypocrite by using empty words.... empty words for the sake of what? For the sake of whose benefit? Your own? Using empty words to heal, only heals hollow hearts, and that seems contradictory based on the over all theme of your poem...

Why is it that you only mention hurting others with "guns, fists, and knives"? When in reality you know as well as I that, that is nothing when it comes to hurting a persons soul. When it comes to messing with peoples lives without understanding, or without caring about the consequences of anyone but yourself, actions without weapons are as detrimental as actions with weapons.

Constructive criticism is all this is. You are a person who seems to have depth with thought and words, take that. Act on that. Power comes through actions. Words only do so much with no action to follow. You have a power (you are not special, everyone has power) do not waste it by using empty words and contradictory actions. Humble yourself, and your art will follow, at this point all readers can see are ideas.

From this poem you are telling the world you have hurt someone... many. From this poem you want to make it better. So go out and do it. Hurt is an act of selfishness, you want to offer healing, take that time and heal your heart with those that you have hurt, only then will you be truly open in heart and mind. Understand what you have done through "her" eyes. Have you seen her eyes? What are they saying... do you really know? Do the eyes haunt you? Do they pierce your soul, or your mind. Do her eyes hurt? Are they angry? Why? There may be answers to your questions that you are aware of but some that you could not fathom. Is "her" pain coming from an honest heart with loving intentions?

Signing this anonymously may lead you to think, "who wrote this" "who has given me this criticism?" "Could it be her? Or someone else" Hopefully by being anonymous you are able to take these words to heart and truly understand what I am saying without being blocked by preconceived notions of who I am or who you think I am. I am not a monster, simply a person seeking direction in life as much as you... following that path of life even though at times there is no sign of where it may go. We have to embrace these times that are hidden and try to understand why life takes us on detours. My detour, my friend, is not what you think. Are you strong enough to understand? Am I strong enough to understand? Hopefully. Closure is freeing. Freedom is what we all seek, no mater who we are, what we have done or what we will do. We seek freedom to love, freedom to live and freedom to laugh. I believe that we all have the power to forgive, but for me, I cannot forgive unless someone has owned up to their ignorance. For me, I know Karma is effecting you, it is effecting me as well, forgiveness has the power to rid negative karma.

Free yourself. Free "her."