Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Things I need

I have returned from Guatemala in one piece...more or less.  I spent a few days coughing up blood, a night with diarrhea, several days with a cough, and even more days with an ear ache.  I went to urgent care on Friday (8 days after the earache started) and was given meds to fix my ear infection and a sinus infection. 

I still feel like shit. 

I haven't been able to run in two weeks... my ear hurts, my energy--while low because of lack of appetite and lack of sleep-- is itching to get out of me through some kind of physical activity that I cannot do because I've got this damn cough/cold.

Here is what I need:

Someone to listen
Someone to touch me (even the dr. hardly touched me)
To edit photos from the trip
To write about the trip
To get more than 5-6 hours of sleep a night
To quit drinking really good beer-- the calorie count is ridiculous
To get my lungs back so I can run around again
To go out and hit softballs in the sun, and practice fielding fly balls
To see my friends
To write some music
A new computer (or clean/speed up my old one)
To stop crying
To stop trying to please everyone around me-- I don't have the energy or magic to make everyone happy.
To get rid of this mother effing ear pain
To start laughing more
To practice loving care towards myself
To get my schoolwork done

I think that's a good start.  Of course, I can't do them all at once, but I think starting by taking care of myself is a good place to begin.  I'm sick of being sick.  I'm sick of being misunderstood or just not heard at all.  I was thinking about that today as I left urgent care (second time in a week)-- I just feel so misunderstood.  "Well then speak up," my inner voice told me.  "You've got to speak up or you'll never be heard."

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