I want to get away.... to some place where not only is the grass green, but dammit, there is grass and plants and flowers and all of it. I want to get away and see the mountains. I want to get away from traffic, drunk people leaving the bar, guys with small member syndrome who ride obnoxiously loud motorcycles. I want to get away. I want to get away to a place where I can look and keep looking, for someone or something... only to see that I'm truly surrounded by what nature is supposed to be/feel/look like. I want to camp on my own lake, not disturbed by the conversation of 2 dudes across the lake who have no idea of their loudness/privilege. I want to wake up in a bug free, sun shining, good smelling, quiet when I want it to be.... place.
For someone who almost always has music playing (in the background, my fingers on guitar strings, brushing dust off vinyl records, singing in the shower, the humming of an air conditioner... ) I appreciate and often find myself "needing" those background sounds. Yet... I still desire silence.
I love the work I do, the people I know, and the passions/commitments I have. Somedays however, I want to leave most of that behind, and start anew.... in the mountains. Those picturesque mountains. The ones where it's not too cold, it's always sunny, you have no neighbors unless you really want to hang out with them in that moment.... It's a romanticized idea, I know. If it were to come true, I'd miss my family. I'd miss walking through my neighborhood and seeing friends/folks I know. I'd miss the convenience of what I've become so accustomed to in my life of privilege. Yet.... in this moment, it's where my head is. My heart -- who knows where that is -- not me, not now. My head though, is in this space of desire for something more simple. Perhaps I just need to add a few more gummy vitamin D's to my inconsistent morning routine... maybe that's the solution.
It's been almost 6 months since I've written any kind of blog entry. That's disappointing. Maybe starting back up again is a good start to getting that piece of imagined solitude. Because really, after all... I enjoy the company and love I have in my life... I just need to take advantage of the other beautiful things around me...the lakes, the green spaces, the good people/conversations, the music, the weather, etc... I know there's a lot going on right here. I want to open up my self/heart and soak up more of what's available. Here's to starting that journey....