The Energy of Music

I should be writing about Martin Luther King day, which is today.  But I am not going to.  

I should be getting errands/work done today.  But I am not going to.

I just spent the last several hours working on a mix cd, and no -- it's still not done.  

I swear....if one could only judge me by the time, intent, and outcome of mix cd's I make, I'd be up there with the best people in the world.  You can decide who they are.  (All I could think of was Jesus for some reason... but that's not what I meant.)  My ego is not that big, nor is the comparison any good.

It's crazy how deep music can be.  How it can instantly bring you to a whole different place (in time, in mind, in everything).  I like that about music, and want to start making more of my own.

I posted this (video) on facebook a while back, but as I sit here this afternoon, home alone eating a sandwich and drinking a beer... I'm thinking about all the good people and energy I've come across lately. 

I know that happiness and all that shit is supposed to come from within.  It does, sure, whatever.  But after a weekend filled with super positive, smart, engaging, and goofy women... all I want to do is dance around and keep that energy going.  

Sharing music is one of the most beautiful things in the world to me.  Sharing energy is right up there with it.  I feel lucky to have good music, good energy, and good people in my life.

Lessons and Needs

So a lot has happened lately....and while there's no point in going into the details, I thought I could do two things.  1. A quick overview of what I have learned about myself in the last couple of weeks.  Future lover(s), take note.  2. A list of needs, cuz dammit, I have needs. 

An overview of what I have recently learned:

1. I don't like accepting help.  Sometimes I need help, but if you ask me if I need help, more than likely, I will say no.  That doesn't mean I don't need help... It just means I don't want to be/feel/appear helpless. 

2. I know it's not the responsibility of the person offering help, but here's something I learned after talking with my mom the other day.  Rather than asking "do you need help," try saying "i have A-B-and C resources, and would be happy (or able) to support you if you want."  Or you could say "can you let me know how to best support you?"  I think I'd respond better to that.  I bet a lot of people do, actually.

3. A new(er) friend offered to help me out earlier this week.  She threw in the line about how it's hard not to help when you know you are able/have the resources to help.  

3a. My mom said a similar thing, when she told me that it feels good to help others.  I know that, but it's a good reminder.  I love to be able to serve and help others.  I need to remember that sometimes, people want to help me out, and that is an okay thing!

4. I have learned that I hate my degree program.  Well.... I think I've known that for quite a while now, actually.  But more and more I've been thinking about next steps.  I've been stuck for the last couple of years.  It's time to move on/forward.

5. Attention Deficit Disorder.  Lately, a lot of people have asked me if I have it.

5a. As I left the gym this afternoon, there were 2 women having a conversation by the door.  "Adults with ADHD tend to talk a lot," one woman said.  "Yes we do," I responded as I walked out the door smiling and never looking back.

6. Working out with a partner is easier than working out alone. 

7. ADD or ADHD.  I don't want either to define me.  I've been reflecting on/trying to understand/struggling with this lately.  

8. I think big picture.  I was talking to a colleague the other day, explaining how I see the big picture, but it's hard for me to organize the steps to get there.  Meaning...even if I can identify the steps, doing them in order is a challenge.  We had this conversation as I was filling something out online, and skipped around a bunch...making it more confusing and overwhelming than it ever needed to be.

8a.  He said that's how Bill Gates and Steve Jobs minds worked.  Hmm... that's not so bad. 

9. I need to sign up for a couple of races.  This brings me to my list of needs.  

10.  Oh, and so the other day I went to the library and got this book about Adult ADD and it said something about just making your needs/requests short and specific.  And that sometimes, people need to be really blunt with you, or really straight forward.  For me, sometimes it helps if someone says "Hey I'm for real serious about this" or "Hey I really need your support right here" or "Hey Asha this is really important to me."  Cuz as intuitive as I'd like to think I am... I don't always get it unless you spell it out for me.  AND...because I'm not a jerk, for the most part when someone says "Hey Asha, this means a lot to me and I need ya here for it," I'll be there. 

Anyhow...moving on to my list of needs...

1. This.  

2. Protein powder.

 

3.  A keyboard.

4.  A body that doesn't fall apart.

5. Money so I can get the medicine I need.

6. A car that isn't 20 years old.

7. A solid crew/foundation of good/healthy/sane/supportive/fun people.

8.  Full time hours (which will check #5 off the list).

9. A new guitar.  Or someone who can fix mine.

10. A running buddy.  (and arms like my running buddy).

11. A workout buddy.  

12. The organizational skills to finish my degree.

13. A career.

14. A future.

I'm sure it must mean something (really deep and profound, ha!) that I don't have pictures for what my career, friends, organizational skills and future look like.  In a way, I guess that's okay that I don't have it exactly defined.  I think (and hope) my ideas will always be changing and evolving (into better things).  But for now... this is just a list of a few of things I "need."

Happy New Year.  2011 sucked.  Here's to something better.  Cheers!