A scattered late night entry

 

A million things have happened lately.  Where to start—how about with today?  Today a bunch of straight white men voted to put the definition of marriage on the ballot next election—which means folks will vote on if marriage should be defined as  between a woman and a man.  I’m sorry…but who the fuck cares?  Really.  Why do folks care who marries who—love is love.  Let it be.  I’d much rather be happily married to a kick ass woman than unhappily married to some dude just for the sake of fitting in and getting a tax cut.  Rich people get tax cuts all the time—people aren’t going after them the same way they do gay folks.  I guess I just get frustrated.  Don’t tell me who I can and cannot love. 

What else?  The weather is nice—real nice actually. It went from cold, rainy and windy to warm, rainy and windy.  Rad.  I’m not going to lie, I love the sun.  I wish it was sunny all the time (add this to the very short list of reasons not to move to the northwest corner of the US).  Sadly, it cannot be sunny all the time.  In fact, this spring, the sun has been in limited appearance.  The warmth is a welcomed sensation and I hope it stick around for a while.

My partner coaches a high school softball team, which means I’ve watched more softball in the last month than I have in all my life (which is funny, because I played softball for several years).  It’s fun watching games—seeing the passion that kids have when involved and invested in sport and school.  (for the record, it’s a lot more fun watching when the sun is out and the mercury has risen than when it’s raining and cold as all get out).  Watching softball (and my partners basketball team—jeeez, I’m dating a jock) makes me want to play a team sport again.  I miss the feeling of being on a team (outside of work).  I miss the adrenaline rush at the starting line of a race (not a team sport, necessarily), the stupid cheers we did at hockey, the drills we ran together at basketball practice.  I miss being a part of something. 

I was a coaches nightmare….which is odd, because I loved most all of my coaches.  I don’t know if they knew that or not.  It’s funny (now….finally) how important of roles coaches have had in my life.  Teachers and coaches saved my life.  Repeatedly.  I think that’s a big part of why I want to be a teacher and coach.  I want to be that safe space, listening ear (cliché, I know), role model and trusting adult in the life of others.  I want to be the hope that so many others have given me in my lifetime. 

For the record, the reason I was a coaches nightmare is because I was a talented athlete who didn’t give a shit.  And for the further record—I had a few coaches who didn’t give much of a shit about me—which I think I still take issue to—because I needed them—I needed that hockey scholarship, that last spot on the xc team, that extra push and reassurance that someone believed in me, that I was worth believing in.  There’s a whole conversation to be had about responsibility and accountability (for me and the coaches)—not one for this blog, but eventually.  Whatever.  Another day. 

In other news, Osama Bin Laden was killed a week or so ago.  And what happened as a result?  Giddy Americans in celebration were shown on the TV worldwide.  Fucking morons.  I live in Minnesota—a few hundred miles from Canada.  I might as well just say I’m Canadian; although Minnesota is a pretty awesome state.    

Oh, and for some awesome news; I’m going to Guatemala in a couple of weeks.  I’m going down there with Jaimee and her family—through an organization called Common Hope.  I’m familiar with Common Hope, as Jess’ aunt has been a key player on their staff for several years.  It should be a good experience.  Minus Canada I’ve only been out of the country once (unless you count when I was born in India).  I went to Costa Rica when I was 12, and it was fun—that’s it, fun.  Not meaningful…other than a slow dance and an ear infection I had while I was there. 

When I went to New Orleans more than 5 years ago, it messed with me.  It was a good, hard, frustrating, scary, empowering, enlightening feeling.  It was an experience of a lifetime.  I don’t think this Guatemala trip would be the same had I not gone to New Orleans and learned about my relationship to privilege.  (I don’t feel much like getting into this, other than to say that in relation to New Orleans residents, I had privilege as a volunteer, but as a volunteer amongst other volunteers, I was nothing special—in fact, I was nothing much at all).  I’m excited and nervous to go to Guatemala.  I can’t think of the last time I had a vacation.  It’s overdue, much needed, and can’t come soon enough.

I suppose that’s all I’ve got for now.  It’s 1:15am.  I’m tired.  Jaimee and I have been working out at 6am several days a week.  I think that’s the plan for tomorrow as well.  I’m tired.  I’m exhausted actually.  I’m exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally.