What Today Looked Like

Most weeks, I try to make a list of goals.  Usually...I fall a bit short of reaching them, but still, I start with good intentions.  

These are this weeks goals (as posted on facebook yesterday morning):

1. workout/run 5 times
2. do some kind of ab/core workout 6 times
3. meditate twice
4. write/journal everyday
5. eat well (3 meals + snacks)
6. have a conversation with a stranger
6a. make them laugh
7. sign up for a race happening between now and june 16

Here's an update on the progress:

1. Took yesterday off, but had an awesome 5.5 mile run tonight after work.

2.  Did an ab workout after my run tonight.... but the yoga mat I was laying on had little shards of glass in it.  Ouch!

3. I suppose running doesn't count...although it could.

4. Wrote yesterday.  Will do again tonight.

5. The fish I planned to eat tonight...went bad.  Shoot!  I did get lots of protein throughout the day though.

6. Not yet, but was kinda chummy with one of the teachers at school.  Ha!

6a. Smiled and waved at everyone I ran past tonight.  Got lots of smiles in return.  It was nice.

7. Sure did!  I just registered for the Get in Gear 10k.

Not a bad day.... in fact, it was pretty rad.  Work was good, got to talk to a lot of kids, had a great meeting, a kick ass run, and a failed dinner.  

This morning, I decided that I wanted to be really intentional with my day, and I did that by being compassionate and patient with everyone that I interacted with.  I realized last night, when my sister was harping on my ass...that we really don't know what a person is going through at any given moment.  When someone is a jerk to you at the store or on the road...perhaps their friend just died, or they just got dumped, or just failed an exam.  You never know, unless you ask.  

I was kind of annoying on my run tonight, waving kinda goofy like at all these runners I crossed paths with.  But I took it on as a challenge.  How many people can ignore me/not smile, when I have an open heart, a big smile, a wave, and good intentions?  Not very many.

It's interesting how the day can really change just by being intentional.  Little decisions, like swapping whiskey for water, or going for my run tonight despite not having a buddy to run with...those small choices made for a great day. 

Here's to many more days filled with intention, smiles, hard work, and love...

Lessons and Needs

So a lot has happened lately....and while there's no point in going into the details, I thought I could do two things.  1. A quick overview of what I have learned about myself in the last couple of weeks.  Future lover(s), take note.  2. A list of needs, cuz dammit, I have needs. 

An overview of what I have recently learned:

1. I don't like accepting help.  Sometimes I need help, but if you ask me if I need help, more than likely, I will say no.  That doesn't mean I don't need help... It just means I don't want to be/feel/appear helpless. 

2. I know it's not the responsibility of the person offering help, but here's something I learned after talking with my mom the other day.  Rather than asking "do you need help," try saying "i have A-B-and C resources, and would be happy (or able) to support you if you want."  Or you could say "can you let me know how to best support you?"  I think I'd respond better to that.  I bet a lot of people do, actually.

3. A new(er) friend offered to help me out earlier this week.  She threw in the line about how it's hard not to help when you know you are able/have the resources to help.  

3a. My mom said a similar thing, when she told me that it feels good to help others.  I know that, but it's a good reminder.  I love to be able to serve and help others.  I need to remember that sometimes, people want to help me out, and that is an okay thing!

4. I have learned that I hate my degree program.  Well.... I think I've known that for quite a while now, actually.  But more and more I've been thinking about next steps.  I've been stuck for the last couple of years.  It's time to move on/forward.

5. Attention Deficit Disorder.  Lately, a lot of people have asked me if I have it.

5a. As I left the gym this afternoon, there were 2 women having a conversation by the door.  "Adults with ADHD tend to talk a lot," one woman said.  "Yes we do," I responded as I walked out the door smiling and never looking back.

6. Working out with a partner is easier than working out alone. 

7. ADD or ADHD.  I don't want either to define me.  I've been reflecting on/trying to understand/struggling with this lately.  

8. I think big picture.  I was talking to a colleague the other day, explaining how I see the big picture, but it's hard for me to organize the steps to get there.  Meaning...even if I can identify the steps, doing them in order is a challenge.  We had this conversation as I was filling something out online, and skipped around a bunch...making it more confusing and overwhelming than it ever needed to be.

8a.  He said that's how Bill Gates and Steve Jobs minds worked.  Hmm... that's not so bad. 

9. I need to sign up for a couple of races.  This brings me to my list of needs.  

10.  Oh, and so the other day I went to the library and got this book about Adult ADD and it said something about just making your needs/requests short and specific.  And that sometimes, people need to be really blunt with you, or really straight forward.  For me, sometimes it helps if someone says "Hey I'm for real serious about this" or "Hey I really need your support right here" or "Hey Asha this is really important to me."  Cuz as intuitive as I'd like to think I am... I don't always get it unless you spell it out for me.  AND...because I'm not a jerk, for the most part when someone says "Hey Asha, this means a lot to me and I need ya here for it," I'll be there. 

Anyhow...moving on to my list of needs...

1. This.  

2. Protein powder.

 

3.  A keyboard.

4.  A body that doesn't fall apart.

5. Money so I can get the medicine I need.

6. A car that isn't 20 years old.

7. A solid crew/foundation of good/healthy/sane/supportive/fun people.

8.  Full time hours (which will check #5 off the list).

9. A new guitar.  Or someone who can fix mine.

10. A running buddy.  (and arms like my running buddy).

11. A workout buddy.  

12. The organizational skills to finish my degree.

13. A career.

14. A future.

I'm sure it must mean something (really deep and profound, ha!) that I don't have pictures for what my career, friends, organizational skills and future look like.  In a way, I guess that's okay that I don't have it exactly defined.  I think (and hope) my ideas will always be changing and evolving (into better things).  But for now... this is just a list of a few of things I "need."

Happy New Year.  2011 sucked.  Here's to something better.  Cheers!

Things That Need to Change

First things first.  A photo of today's shoes.  

October 13, 2011.

This has now become some kind of a game...planning what shoes to wear so I don't run out of "casual" shoes for work.  This weekend will be mostly running shoes/sneakers.  Woot!  I kind of like this game.

Anyhow....things need to change.  Here are a few things that I will do:

1. Workout in the morning.  Consistently.  Even when I don't want to.... I need get out of bed, throw on a bra, and get my brown ass out the door.  It's time to get ripped!! 

2. Play more music.  Write it down, sing loudly, get a 6th string for my guitar, and get a new keyboard.

3. Go to an al-anon meeting.  I'm nobody's bitch.

4. Find more work.  25 hours a week won't pay the bills.  

5. If #4 doesn't work, join the army.

6. If #5 doesn't work, move to India, look for my birth parents, and do volunteer work.

7. Start taking vitamins....because ice cream, waffles, peanut butter and beer do not provide a balanced diet (contrary to what I keep telling people). 

8. Go camping.

9. Get health insurance so I can get an MRI for my shoulder.

10. Get health insurance so I can continue to play rough.  

11. Quit listening to Adele.  If I had her on wax, I'd have ruined the record by now.  It's time for new music.  Suggestions are welcome....as are mix cd's.  

12. Clean my apartment.  Make it shine!  Or at least pick the clothes up off the closet floor.

13.  Start doing the crossword puzzle again. 

14. Go to church.  I don't have to believe in it (church)...but like Buddha (and some others) said...it's not about the destination...it's the journey.  

15.  Start running outside more, so my lungs don't get that uncomfortable-feel-like-I'm-bleeding-in-my throat sensation when running outdoors this winter.

16. Talk to my mom more.  I miss her.  I miss my sister too.  I need to make a better effort to communicate with them.  I know this.  And so do they.  

17. Quit spending money....why by organic when I do so many other "bad" things for/to myself (i.e. occasionally use a microwave, loving high fructose corn syrup, talking on a cell phone while driving, etc).  

18. Get a reasonable amount of sleep.  Ha!

19. Take more photos.

It's midnight now.  My goal is to get up semi early, get to el gymnasio, and be done by 8ish so I can have a phone date with one of my go-to dudes.  I'm sure there's more to add to this list...but I can't think of anything right now.  I just know I need to make some changes.  I will make them, cuz lately (minus the cool new job), things have sucked.  And when things suck, they are not sustainable (except for the bush administration, but that's a whole different story).  I need to make the plans, take the steps, and have the courage to get things done.

20.  Oh yeah.... and learn how to skateboard properly. 

21.  And walk in heels.

22.  Damn.  And my schoolwork.  Hmph.

Strategic Planning

I got laid off last week.... so I'm now in the market for a new job.  The title of this blog is strategic planning, which means I need to be smart about how I proceed from here. 

Employers google you.  Blind dates google you.  Strangers may even google you.  While yes, sometimes this blog is me ranting or complaining, it is also a place to explore new ideas or thoughts.  I just need to be careful about what I say.  I get that...

It's a beautiful day outside.  After I got laid off, I had this brilliant plan to buckle down and get my schoolwork done.  I still like that plan, and will follow that plan...just maybe not today.  Starting tomorrow, fall is coming, I know this.  How do I know this?  Because I looked at weather.com, obviously.

Today I need to spend some more time outside.  Tonight I can set up my apartment to be more conducive for studying.  This means putting my records and turntables in storage...so that my desk can be used for what it was meant for.  It means making a new calendar; one that I can use to be productive and organized.

I hurt my shoulder a few weeks ago, lifting weights.  I felt it get pulled/ripped out.  It was gross, and left my fingers numb/tingly for several days.  I've recently joined a flag football team.  My first game, I was never thrown to.  I was frustrated, but later found out it was because they knew I was injured and were just looking out for me.  Last week, I hurt it again, pretty bad.  I didn't cry, and I finished out the game....but dang it was painful.

I'm finding that it's extremely hard for me to sit still, not use my arm, etc.  I wore a sling for a few days, because I kept irritating it...but even just in the last 24 hours, I've overused and hurt it again.  Ugh.  I need to rest so I can heal faster.

So, in the span of 48 hours, I busted up my shoulder pretty good, and got laid off.  A few days before that, I decided I needed to focus on my running, and one way to do that would be to not drink any alcohol until my 10 mile race (October 2).  Whew...let me tell you, that descision was before the whole 48 hours of bad luck/fortune/reality came about.  I've stuck with it though (minus the one beer I had the evening of my last day at work).  It's amazing how much longer the days seem when there's no booze involved.  The cool thing I'm learning though, is there's tons of fun stuff to do and experience!!  Legit, I've been having a really good time lately, hanging out with positive people, doing new things, and generally feeling pretty good!

A few folks have commented on how well I seem to be dealing with all of this... but really, what are my other choices?  Be sad?  Be mad?  Where is that going to get me?  Nowhere.  I need to be proactive about my future.  I'm reminded of a quote.  "As for the future, your task is not to foresee it but to enable it." -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry.  Seriously, so true.

I need to go.  I've got a few errands to run, and as I mentioned earlier...the nice weather isn't going to last much longer.  For those who are reading this...I hope all is well.  Life is a beautiful thing...even when it gives you lemons. 

Oh, lastly, I've been playing guitar a lot lately.  It's been really nice.  I've probably played more in the last 2-3 weeks than I have in the last 2-3 years.  Granted...it's not the best for my shoulder... but it's good for my heart, and my creative side.  Every now and then, I feel myself tapping into my artistic side.  This is a good thing...especially now, because it's not fueled by sadness, but rather a curiosity and energy to put something positive back into the world.