I may or may not be Scared of Heights

But as things would happen, I busted up my shoulder pretty good a few weeks ago, which is why I couldn't rock climb this weekend at my (new) friend's birthday extravaganza.  I didn't mention my fear of heights to the group, but it's there, believe me.

A few car loads, totaling about a dozen people made way to Duluth this past weekend to climb shovel point.  I took photos, and didn't partake in the climbing.  At night, we played music around a bonfire until our fingers hurt and our voices went hoarse.  It was rad. 

See below for a few photos from the weekend.  It was so nice to get out of the city for a few days, to be in nature, and experience the vastness of Lake Superior.  I can't wait to go back! 

In Light

Eric

Lunch

Details

First Time Climber (she rocked!!)

The Shoes of a Photographer

Preparations

I can't remember who took this photo, but I love it!

Hanging Around.  Photo by Erika.

Mission Accomplished.  Photo by Kat.

All Smiles

The Whole Group!

What Happens when I get on Youtube

I look up a bunch of things.... today went from Erin McCarley to Colbie Caillat to Whitney Houston to Too Short to Eve to Feist to U2...  

I might have missed a few too....but it is what it is.  

Song of the day: It's Not Right But It's Okay (before Whitney became too stoned to function).  

Now that is one woman I would not want to mess with.  She's fierce!

Strategic Planning

I got laid off last week.... so I'm now in the market for a new job.  The title of this blog is strategic planning, which means I need to be smart about how I proceed from here. 

Employers google you.  Blind dates google you.  Strangers may even google you.  While yes, sometimes this blog is me ranting or complaining, it is also a place to explore new ideas or thoughts.  I just need to be careful about what I say.  I get that...

It's a beautiful day outside.  After I got laid off, I had this brilliant plan to buckle down and get my schoolwork done.  I still like that plan, and will follow that plan...just maybe not today.  Starting tomorrow, fall is coming, I know this.  How do I know this?  Because I looked at weather.com, obviously.

Today I need to spend some more time outside.  Tonight I can set up my apartment to be more conducive for studying.  This means putting my records and turntables in storage...so that my desk can be used for what it was meant for.  It means making a new calendar; one that I can use to be productive and organized.

I hurt my shoulder a few weeks ago, lifting weights.  I felt it get pulled/ripped out.  It was gross, and left my fingers numb/tingly for several days.  I've recently joined a flag football team.  My first game, I was never thrown to.  I was frustrated, but later found out it was because they knew I was injured and were just looking out for me.  Last week, I hurt it again, pretty bad.  I didn't cry, and I finished out the game....but dang it was painful.

I'm finding that it's extremely hard for me to sit still, not use my arm, etc.  I wore a sling for a few days, because I kept irritating it...but even just in the last 24 hours, I've overused and hurt it again.  Ugh.  I need to rest so I can heal faster.

So, in the span of 48 hours, I busted up my shoulder pretty good, and got laid off.  A few days before that, I decided I needed to focus on my running, and one way to do that would be to not drink any alcohol until my 10 mile race (October 2).  Whew...let me tell you, that descision was before the whole 48 hours of bad luck/fortune/reality came about.  I've stuck with it though (minus the one beer I had the evening of my last day at work).  It's amazing how much longer the days seem when there's no booze involved.  The cool thing I'm learning though, is there's tons of fun stuff to do and experience!!  Legit, I've been having a really good time lately, hanging out with positive people, doing new things, and generally feeling pretty good!

A few folks have commented on how well I seem to be dealing with all of this... but really, what are my other choices?  Be sad?  Be mad?  Where is that going to get me?  Nowhere.  I need to be proactive about my future.  I'm reminded of a quote.  "As for the future, your task is not to foresee it but to enable it." -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry.  Seriously, so true.

I need to go.  I've got a few errands to run, and as I mentioned earlier...the nice weather isn't going to last much longer.  For those who are reading this...I hope all is well.  Life is a beautiful thing...even when it gives you lemons. 

Oh, lastly, I've been playing guitar a lot lately.  It's been really nice.  I've probably played more in the last 2-3 weeks than I have in the last 2-3 years.  Granted...it's not the best for my shoulder... but it's good for my heart, and my creative side.  Every now and then, I feel myself tapping into my artistic side.  This is a good thing...especially now, because it's not fueled by sadness, but rather a curiosity and energy to put something positive back into the world. 

The most amazing weekend....

I won't go into details about why this weekend was amazing.  I'm too tired.  

I will tell you how it feels, however.  It feels great. 

Most of the weekend was spent with women.  Friday night was with a majority of folks I had never met.  It was great.  I got "into it" with my family the previous weekend about how I don't "do small talk", and I can ask intimidating questions and what not.  I agree in part, that I'm more observant than chatty, but for some reason I had a great time telling jokes, listening to stories, and being around new people.

Saturday I hung out with a dear friend who gave me a book that hits the heart.  We hit up a garage sale and talked about life and the different choices we are faced with each day.  I spent Saturday afternoon on a boat.  It was great to be with positive people, in the sun, on the water.  I even caught a fish!

Saturday night I had organized a group of people to take night photos.  Me...the organizer was running late, so it only ended up being a few of us.  What was supposed to be night photography in downtown saint paul ended up with me wearing carharts, no shirt, and a mohair scarf covering select parts of my chest, forehead covered in eye shadow with a couple of friends.  What started as a trip to my house to get an external flash turned into a photo shoot with two amazing women.  The energy was beautiful!!  (photos coming....soonish).

Today I went to the farmers market and then to the farmers market brunch my friend hosts.  It was lovely to see folks.  The energy this weekend was amazing!!  It's hard to explain how good I feel-- it has certainly been a while!  

I feel so blessed to have so many rad people in my life, but at this moment, so honored for the women in my life.  Being a woman is hard.  Being a human is hard.  Finding rad, inspiring, friendly, goofy, intelligent women to spend time with is so rejuvenating. 

I've got softball in a couple hours, which I'm excited for.  I've been goofy and smiling most of the weekend.  What a good feeling!  I'm sure I'm super dehydrated, and I know I'm sleep deprived.  I ought to try to live with a little more balance, but this weekend was go big or go home.  I went big (and eventually home).  It was amazing.  I am entering this next week feeling good, goofy, strong, and ready to go!  Let's hope it lasts... I made sure to write about it while in the thick of it... so I can come back and remember it when it passes.  

Life can be really good...if you're open to it.

Ani Difranco Makes Me Want To Die

Seriously.  And that's why I don't listen to her music very often.  I mean, I love her music and her words-- she is a brilliant poet.  But damn...her music hits deep sometimes. 

I went to the gym this morning and had a so-so run and a good lifting circuit.  In my headphones were songs like "Love Save the Empty," "When I'm Alone," "Someone Like you," "Where I stood," "Giving Up," and so on....  

NO FUCKING SHIT I'M FEELING SAD!!!  

I read a kids' essay earlier this summer, in which he said that listening to happy music will make you do good things, and listening to angry music will make you angry.  "It's not that simple" I thought to myself.  Guess what...in a way, it is.  Now, I don't agree with the politicians who say that listening to rap music will make you do drugs and kill people.  I do however think that listening to sad music all the time is a way to subconsciously (or quite obviously) not feel better.

While at the gym today, I thought about what songs I could play that are happy.  Hmph.  On my new iPod nano that I just bought yesterday (I've now gone through 5 total...this is my 6th), I have the following playlists... 

"6.7.2011" -- mostly sad stuff i've been listening to this summer

"Erin McCarley- Love Save the Empty"-- her full album

"Fuck It"-- similar to 6.7.2011 but faster

"Fuck You"  -- and old playlist full of pissed off songs.

"Long Jump Fast"-- some fast stuff, some angry stuff, plus a song i wrote that's super angry

"Long Jump Slow"-- some sad stuff, some calming/soothing stuff

"Meat 2005"-- bday gift for chris, mostly rock

"Meat 2006"-- see above

"Mix Tape- Asha Feb 11"-- Music J sent me via email/gchat

"SI Photo Shoot"-- an upbeat mix I used when doing a photo shoot

I suppose the SI Photo Shoot would have been a good (i.e. my only) option for some positive music.  Seriously, I'm not doing anyone any favors by listening to this sad stuff all the time.  It's a cycle though-- if I'm not feeling super giddy, I'll probably listen to something more akin to how I feel.  And if I listen to sad stuff, I'll probably feel sad.  See the problem in this?

It's going to be a beautiful day today.  I need to get ready to head into work.  A friend and I were talking the other day about the power of music.  I'm often "brought back to a place" when I hear a particular song.  (i.e. "Power of Love" by Luther Vandross reminds me of camping in the backyard at my moms old house-- me and my sister had the cassette tape and played it on repeat till the batteries ran out.  "Hurricane Drunk" by Florence + The Machine reminds me of running in uptown one slushy winter evening this year.  "Little Potato" by Metamora reminds me of when I was a little kid and my mom would request on MPR that they would play it for my birthday). 

Music is a powerful thing.  It can lift us up, it can keep us down, or it can do something in between.

What's on your playlist?

Do you have a moment?

Do you have a moment for starving children?  "No, I don't" I say, walking past the folks with clipboards at the co-op.  The truth is, I do have a moment for starving kids, women's rights, and the trees getting cut down... I don't however have extra money to give to the cause.  Not at the moment anyway.

A friend of mine was ripping on blogs (in general) the other day.  "Who would want to read someone's blog, it's like reading a diary, I don't want to read your diary, you're not that important."  I didn't mention to her that I have a blog (although I know she's read it in the past).  So, what's the point of a blog?  I'm not really sure.  The point of mine?  To inspire?  Sometimes.  To question?  Occasionally.  To be heard?  Yes, I think so.

Sometimes... I just need someone to listen.  Whether it's a friend or someone I've never met who lives a thousand miles away (or just around the corner), it's comforting to know that maybe someone is listening.

I'm going to time this blog...because I can't spend much time writing.  I have a lot of work to do today.  

I've been running lately.  I spent too much money on a watch (an impulse purchase, no doubt), and it tracks my distance, calories, heart rate (once I buy the strap for it), and maps my runs using GPS.  It's pretty cool...but totally unnecessary.  

I was running a few days ago, and things were going okay.   Nothing out of the ordinary, really.  I went 2 miles out, turned around and headed home.  On my way back (less than a mile from home), I saw a woman I haven't seen for a few years.  We met in New Orleans back in 2006, and she used to live here (in Minnesota), but has since moved to the west coast.  I was surprised and happy to see her.  How random, I thought!

We chatted for a bit...she was in town for a spoken word event.  As we were standing there talking... I started to feel really weird.  "I don't feel so well" I told her.  All of a sudden, my vision went black.  And then it went black with some blue spots (like a migraine).  And then just black.  My hearing cut out too.  "Well this is weird" I said (or something like that).  My friend encouraged me to sit down, and gave me some of her water.  I told her this had never happened before.  I mean sure,  I get lightheaded sometimes when I'm at the gym...but never where I can't see for an extended period of time.  

A few (5?) minutes later I stood up.  "I think I'm okay" I told her.  I spoke too soon.  Again, my vision went black.  WTF?  Not cool....at all.  It was kind of scary, but I also felt so blessed that my friend was with me.  How lucky am I?  Had I been alone, I probably would have tried to "shake it off" and get myself home...only to pass out somewhere along the way.  Serendipity-- that's what I think.  It was so great to see my friend, and then to have my body get all funky like I did...dang, I am one lucky lady to have had her with me.  

I worked out this morning... I went for a short run, then to the gym to lift and do an ab workout.  I've been trying to find good foods to keep me fueled.  I think my favorite as of late is watermelon...because it's great to keep me hydrated.  I've been wearing a amethyst necklace from Donna Menne Designs, which has been helping me stay balanced.  (Funny story-- I took it off to play softball a couple weeks ago, and when I was up to bat, I swung, hit the ball, and fell over.  I should have worn the necklace).

Oh, I almost forgot...I'm getting back into hockey!!  A relatively new friend has encouraged me to join her team.  I went and skated with some of them last week!  I hadn't skated competitively for 10 years...and let's just say...watching a lot of hockey does not make you a hockey player.  I've got some catching up to do!!  It was fun to be back on the ice (although my ankles are not hockey ankles anymore).  I'm excited for this fall/winter to start playing more often.  Seems like a cool group of women to skate with!!  

I better go.  I've got a lot of work to get done today, plus a softball game this afternoon.  Hope all are well, and many thanks for reading this blog.  It's not always happy or witty or insightful....sometimes its just random thoughts, but I appreciate you reading it nonetheless.  

Song of the Day

Nuff said.  Happy Tuesday, y'all.  Let your light shine bright and your heart be open.