Monday, December 26, 2011

What Xmas Should Look Like


What Christmas should look like:

Santa.... is a sexy looking silver fox type of guy, probably not older than 50.  
He's not fat.  
I'm sitting on his lap (obviously, this is Xmas after all and some traditions cannot be ignored).  
He hands me an envelope filled with cash, and says "Merry Xmas.  Here is for your rent, bills, etc."
Thanks Santa!!


What Christmas actually looked like:

Woke up alone in my bed.
Played guitar for an hour.
Went to my moms house for a great brunch with her and her friend.
Played guitar in the living room, while they did crafts in the kitchen.
Friend comes over and we head to the outdoor/refrigerated rink to skate.
We play hockey with 6 guys and hold our own just fine.
We go to Groveland Tap to get a beer.  They are closed.  
We proceed to Billy's on Grand.  They don't open till 5.
We awkwardly wait in the car for 15 minutes, till 5:05.  We don't want to seem desperate. 
We sit and talk about education, curriculum/instruction, and race for 2 hours while drinking Stone IPA.
We go back to my moms house and eat leftovers (from friend's Xmas with her family the night before).
We watch 3 quarters of the packer game, occasionally screaming, clapping or cheering.  
Friend heads home.
I head home too.
I spend several (4+) hours playing guitar and working on photos until 3:15am.



Xmas Morning

Xmas Brunch








Xmas Day


What a rad Xmas!!  Xmas Eve was good too...spent it with a few friends and family.  I had been stressed about it, not because of presents or anything, just because it's a hard time of year and I've got some shit going on that is hard to understand, let alone deal with.  <-- Which as I write that... I realize that I don't need to understand why things happen... I just need to deal with them.  

Anyhow, Christmas this year was great.  I'm lucky to have good friends and good family.  Even when I'm feeling sad... I still know that I am blessed with good people in my life.  That and I am blessed with skinny ankles.  Just sayin.  

Happy holidays everyone.  Stay safe, sane, mindful, and loving!  

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Dear Higher Power, Quit Taking My Friends!


I don't understand life.  I don't understand death either, but life is bugging me right now.  Last winter, I had this horrible feeling that I wasn't going to live to see my 28th birthday.  I felt this way as I was driving west on Highway 94, right where it crosses over 280.  What a gross feeling to have, and it's happened more than once.  I don't want to die before my 28th birthday.... but for some weird reason, I have this weird feeling about it.  (As I type this, I am trying to convince myself that by writing it out.... it will make it NOT happen...because if some freak accident did happen, wouldn't it be too weird that I had written it less than 2 months before my 28th birthday?)

A friend died yesterday, which has made me think more about death, and why people die.  I was at the gym yesterday morning, watching the news, and they reported 4 deaths from a snowstorm in the southern part of the U.S.  "Man, those are 4 people's children," I thought to myself.  4 people, with histories and futures...cut short because of a car accident.  And really, that shit happens ALL THE TIME.  Who's to say that I wont get t-boned some morning on my drive to the gym, or ran over by a drunk driver some night walking home from the bar?  That scares me!  It doesn't mean I won't drive or walk anywhere or make some rash decision to lock myself up in the house...it just means that life is precious and can be taken away at any moment.

Which brings me to my next point, which I've said many times.  If you love someone, tell them.  You never really do know what is going on in someone's life/mind/reality unless you ask.  And sometimes, it's just important to tell people how you feel.  When people in my life die (I believe it's been 6 people this year), I tend to think about the experiences we shared, and what I could have done differently (if anything).  I try not to live life with regrets, but every time someone I know dies, I wonder if I gave enough to that friendship.  I wonder if the relationship reached its full potential, or if there were parts that could have been stronger.  It's depressing to think about, so I try not to dwell... some days I guess it's harder than others.

As we go into the holiday season, I feel overwhelmed.  Many people I know are stressed out, trying to find last minute gifts for loved ones.  Here's a message to my loved ones.... I'm poor, have barely enough money for food and bills.  I'm sorry but this year, you may only get hugs or handmade gifts from me.  I usually feel sad around the holidays because I miss my gramma and grampa, but this year feels different.  

2011 sucked.  Highlights: Got a rad job, got a partner, went to Guatemala, ran a few good races, got quite (physically) strong towards the end of the year.  Low points: Got laid off, got my heart broken, lost confidence, lost hope, lost trust, injured my shoulder 3 times, 6 friends died, and lost my health insurance and now owe a lot of money.

Dear 2012, I hope you are better than this year, because this year sucked.  I can't keep having shitty years, and this one was one of the worst.  

I feel like I'm drunk as I write this, because I'm all over the place.  Rest assured dear readers, I am not drunk.  I am merely frustrated.  There are definitely good things/people in my life... but sometimes I feel like it's too hard, too overwhelming, too heart-breaking.  When do things get better? And with some consistency?  I deserve to feel good.  I really believe that I do/will.

Last night I wrote a poem for a friend.  It went something like this:

Life Is Too Short

to be angry
to be sad
to be regretful
to be hurt
to be stuck.

i'm ready for what is next.

life is too short.



Sunday, November 27, 2011

Goals for the Week


After a week/end of partying, sleeping in, and making fruit smoothies every morning, the following goals have been established for this week: 

1. No booze.
2. Go to the gym/run outside 5 times.
3. Do yoga 2 times.
4. Spend 30 minutes "studying" every day.
5. Do 400 sit-ups every day.
6. Take a multi-vitamin every day.

Because I am going to a 2 hour yoga workshop this afternoon, the week will start today (instead of tomorrow).  

I've spent a lot of time talking about the things I can do to be happy/healthy.  They aren't that hard.  In fact, they are quite easy, and there is indeed time for them.  It's a choice.  I was out having drinks with a friend last night, and I said to her that I should just try for one week to be healthy/positive (see list above).  One week.  That's it.  I've been alive for 1451 weeks.  I can do one week of really living with intention and mindfulness.  I talk about it all the time, but have a tough time committing.  This time, I'm going to do it.  It's just one week.  

If I feel like shit at the end of the week, I will try something else.  Honestly though, I believe that if I stick to my list, I will be just fine.   


Friday, November 25, 2011

Florence + The Machine


Last winter I found out about Florence and the Machine.  I then listened to her album "Between Two Lungs" more or less on repeat until the snow melted.  I loved it, and when I hear certain songs from it now, I am brought back to specific moments in time.

A few weeks ago, Florence released a new album called "Ceremonials."  This album is also quite good, but upon googling every song lyric on the disc, I realized it is quite depressing.  Since I went a little overboard last year with Flo, I don't doubt I'll do it again this year.  All this means is I need to find other music to balance out the intense sadness and emotion of this album.

This is my favorite song of hers on "Ceremonials."  I love this video too.  I love her energy, her voice, her passion.  If you haven't heard much of her, I suggest checking her out!


Wednesday, November 23, 2011

What Making a Smoothie Actually Looks Like


Yesterday I bought a hand held blender, so that I could make fruit and vegetable smoothies.  I'd seen photos of these amazing green drinks that looked so beautiful.  Surely I could make one!  

This afternoon, I looked on Food Gawker (one of my favorite websites) for a good recipe.  After a quick search for spinach smoothies, I found this:

http://zoomyummy.com/2011/01/13/detox-smoothie/

And this: 
http://www.52kitchenadventures.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Tropical-green-smoothie-2-1024x979.jpg

And this too: 
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjljAgFocMfc9YGDmJFxgNZMtjJCJ119R7qc34gbaweHL-GBa4GfEgmQpl9eKjHLkItRGasFeyCpxUk8GZFKvVoD2D9ebhXTIDSjUhY4WpCQ0RNtBBJyIlIQ6Rfa6i0reonNVvpG3eEiG0K/s1600/Spinach+green+Grape+Smoothie+2+-+small.jpg

Yummo!  I could make that....sure thing!  

So...I piled up my ingredients on the counter.  1 frozen banana from last winter, some fresh kale, some fresh spinach, fresh ginger root, frozen strawberries, and a bag of frozen mangoes.


I put the banana and some of the spinach in the cup that came with my new hand held blender thingy.  I tried mashing it in there, and smelled only the aroma of an appliance engine working too hard.  This shit was not blending like I hoped it would.  I grabbed the vanilla soy milk from my fridge and reluctantly poured some in.  It started to work a bit better, so I added some strawberries.


Next I added some mango and a big piece of ginger root.  Mash Mash Mash the stupid hand held thing went.  I needed more milk.  As I was adding stuff to my smoothie, I of course kept wondering what the point of a smoothie was.  I like to eat spinach and kale and fruit.  Was it necessary to put it all together?  


I kept having to stir the damn thing, which for those who know about my sensory issues (i.e. I don't like water, or wet things in general touching me), this was quite uncomfortable.  "I'm gonna do this," I kept telling myself, "Even if I'm covered in green junk by the end."


I continued to jam and mash the blender thing into the cup, every once and a while pushing too hard and causing it to spill over the sides and onto me/the counter/the floor.  "This better taste good," I said out loud, wondering who really makes a smoothie without making a mess.

At last, I was done!  My counter, blender, and hands were covered in green goo.  I quickly cleaned up and took one last cell phone photo of my smoothie.  I should mention that my cell phone was also adorned with green splotches of goo.


I'm sitting on my couch now, drinking my smoothie, which all in all is not that bad.  I think the large quantity of ginger is what made it taste better than shit.  Will I make another smoothie?  Absolutely... I have a whole kitchen full of produce that needs to get eaten.  Besides, the lady at target said I could only return the blender if it was defective, not if I just didn't like it.  

Bon Appetite!  


An Average Morning's Thoughts


Woke up too early this morning, and wondered why I was awake.  Oh shoot, I have a dentist appointment at 7:30.  That's why!  

Went to the dentist, and along the way thought about the time my dentist called Adele "the fat chick."  He and I got into it that day, because I of course, had to prove the point that Adele is awesome the way she is...she doesn't need a rail thin body to show off her vocal talent.

Went to Kowalski's to look purchase kale and spinach.  Yesterday I got a new hand held blender.  I want to start making smoothies.  Got to Kowalski's and was surprised to see their produce prices higher than Mississippi Market.  I got some bananas, and 25 dollars worth of other random things (soy milk, a donut, some fresh cod, and the Chinook book.  I bought the Chinook book last year, and didn't use enough coupons to make my money back.  This year will be different.

I listened to the radio while driving this morning.  Lots of talk about "Black Friday," the biggest shopping day of the year.  Many places are opening at midnight (shortly after many Americans will finish watching football and eating their thanksgiving dinners).  It made me think about what the holidays are all about.  First of all, Thanksgiving is probably the dumbest holiday ever... aside from Columbus day.  I think it's important to be thankful for what we have... but I also think it's important to remember the genocide of an entire people/culture/nation.  Second of all...this whole Black Friday thing bugs me.  I got an email this morning from the "Gap" saying "Black Friday starts today."  Hmph... I'm sorry but I could have sworn today was Wednesday.  You can't start Black Friday two days early.  C'mon!  

After my disappointing trip to Kowalskis (which...don't get me wrong, I like it there, the people are nice, the food selection is good.. it just didn't do it for me today), I went to Mississippi Market.  There I spoke with the produce dude about what kind of kale I need for a smoothie.  We talked for a while, he gave me some good recipe ideas (I didn't mention anything about the donut I ate on my way there), and he inquired about my ethnic background.  When I told him my name was Asha, he said "Ah yes, hope."  Indeed, in Sanskrit my name means hope.  It was a good trip.  I came home with beets, kale, ginger, avocado, salt, pepper, and flax seed. 

Driving home from the co-op, I waited as this HUGE truck was getting situated along the side of the road.  I started to think, "what if I was in a hurry right now?"  Knowing I wasn't in a hurry, I was able to think...is it really the trucks fault if I ran late?  Why wouldn't I just leave early?  It got me thinking about how cranky people can be when they drive.  If you are really in that big of a rush... leave earlier.  And when you think about it...what's more important... getting somewhere 30 seconds sooner?  Or driving respectfully and safely.  For some, I don't know there is a certain answer.  As I drove by the huge truck, I noticed it said "Mayflower" on it.  That seems appropriate, I thought, being Thanksgiving is tomorrow.  I then began to think of what it must have been like to be Columbus on the ship coming to Indian...err... America.   

Last night I went to see "Still Black Still Proud" at the Ordway.  It was incredible.  The musicians (Maceo Parker, Pee Wee Ellis, Vusi Mahlasela) were amazing.  There was so much talent on the stage.  Furthermore...and possibly my most favorite part of the show was that young and old people got up and danced.  It was beautiful.  Brown, black, white folks... a bunch of people were dancing.  And aside from weddings, it's a rare sight to see young kids and old folks dancing/sharing the same space.  It was heart warming.  (Side note: If you've never heard Vusi Mahlasela sing...check him out). 

My mind has been racing today (and I've left out several things).  Oh, one thing I should note is that last week I challenged myself to eat only non-processed foods.  That meant no butter, milk, yogurt, candy, ice cream, soda, etc.  I did drink (plenty of) beer, and "cheated" a few times (one egg roll at a staff meeting, one tiny piece of fudge while talking to my 88 year old friend who endorsed it, and on Sunday night-- the last night of the challenge I ate a string cheese and a morningstar veggie burger-- because I had a big interview the next morning and needed the duel).  It was certainly a challenge, and I did get sick of eating bananas and peanut butter all the time.  The first few days were cool, because I was actively cooking meat (in unprocessed coconut oil), and I made time to plan and prepare meals, but by the end, I was really just trying to make it through the week.  I'm glad I did the challenge though.  It was a good test of discipline.  

I am off to meet a friend for coffee.  Before I do, I feel as though I should share what I am thankful for.  In no order of importance, I am thankful for: my one skinny ankle, the positive people in my life, the lessons i have learned in the last year, my new job, my old job, music, and that i have enough food to eat everyday.  Happy Thanksgiving everyone!  


Saturday, November 19, 2011

Help Asha Pay for Hockey by Drinking Beer Tomorrow (Sunday)!!


I've come out of an 8 year retirement from hockey, and am now playing for the Riveters.  Because hockey is so expensive, we are having a beer bust/fundraiser THIS SUNDAY from 1pm-4pm at Tom Reid's Hockey Pub in Saint Paul. 

If you like crappy beer, have 10 dollars for a wristband, want to win raffle prizes (i.e. wild tickets, gopher tickets, etc), and want to help me pay the 400-500 dollar hockey dues, please consider coming out.  The vikings game will be on, the energy will be high, and it's for a good cause.
 
Email or call me with questions.  Hope to see you tomorrow! 

P.s for those who are pregnant or in AA, please don't mind the title of this blog.  Come have a Coke!