One pink sweater at a time....

A couple weeks ago, I mentioned in a blog that I needed some business casual clothes... I didn't think anything would come of it. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Last summer, in one of the most random moments of my life, I ran (part of) 193 miles with 12 people I had never met before. I don't think I wrote about it, which is a shame, because it was an experience like no other. Regardless, I made some new friends at this race. One of them, Alicia read my blog about needing clothes. She said she could help me out...and did she ever!!

I am sitting on my couch right now, wearing one of about a dozen cashmere sweaters she outfitted me with. In my closet are now 5 more pairs of heels that I started with (bringing the grand total to 6). I went to the western suburbs to check out "some sweaters" that Alicia had set aside for me...and holy smokes! To say it was overwhelming wouldn't be accurate... but it was something pretty close.

"Some of this might be too 'girly' for you", she said. I told her I'm trying to embrace my feminine side, so this will be good. As I sorted through a bed full of clothes, I unintentionally pushed the pinks and pastel colors aside. I didn't realize it until taking a step back. Alicia gave me 5 pairs of heels too, one of which I tried to do some house cleaning in yesterday. I didn't last long in heels (about 30 seconds), so I'm going to need some more practice before stepping out in the real world.

I am blessed. Really. So blessed. I've got a few women in my life right now, that are helping me become more aware of how I carry myself, how I present myself, how I work with what I've got. It's been amazing, and I am learning so much. I'm so thankful.

When I was little, I would run around in basketball shorts and tee-shirts. I still do, occasionally.... which I think is fine (occasionally). Frankly, I can rock both looks... I can do jeans with my grampa's button up and a jacket. Or I can work a dress (it's the walking in heels that kills me). And as I am experiencing more sides of life, I am learning that it's good to be able to go back and forth between the two. I'm also learning how important "presentation" is.

Argh... this blog isn't going where I want it to go. I've got a lot on my mind right now, and didn't sleep well.... so this is more "jumbled" than I'd hoped. I played guitar last night for a couple hours...it was good. I need to play more often (piano too). It's a good outlet for me, as is running, which I haven't been doing enough of lately. I need to pick a race, I think that's the problem. I have no upcoming races, it's 30 degrees and icy outside, and my motivation is low. When I run, I feel good about myself. When I dress nice, I feel good about myself. When I feel good about myself, I am productive, loving, and happy.

I'm going to embrace these feelings one pink sweater at a time...

Get Outta Town!!

2 posts in one day? Get outta town. I'm on a roll....deal with it.

A couple weeks ago (halloween weekend), I went camping with Andy and Chris Wilbourn. Here are the pictures. Also, in following up to my post a week or two ago... I didn't end up going to see Ardes. It was our first snow of the season, and people tend to lose their ability to drive during the first snow, so I stayed close to home. I'll get out to see her in the next month or two. She's awesome, and I was bummed to not be able to see her last weekend.

Anyhow....here are the photos. You can see the photos took here.

looking for firewood.

love.

andy.

andy getting the fire going.

pork.

beans.

pork and beans.

chris got fancy with his pork and beans.

andy during a serious moment.

andy.

chris.

my favorite photo of chris from the weekend.

jay cooke state park.

jay cooke.

chris and andy.

Eulogy: A letter to my grampa

I wrote this after my grampa died. I was 20. My best friend (amelia), her sister Rosie read this at their service. (my gramma and grampa died within a week of eachother-- yes, that's real love-- and so we had their service together).

I can't believe she read it. It meant the world to me...and she was so young...so brave. Thank you Rosalie, you may never know how much your courage meant to me.

-----------------------------------

You’ve been my hero, my love, and my best friend. All of that in an 88-year man, with a big round belly. Who knew I’d fall in love with such a character?

Without you these past 4 months, a wave of loneliness has swept over me. I feel incomplete. You’ve been so much to me.

You’ve been the father I never had, you’ve been the hero I’ve always admired, and you’ve been the best friend that I’ve always needed.

I hope you know how much I love you.

I loved fishing with you, except for the time I fell through the hole in the ice.

I loved bowling with you at the student center, even though I’d always quit after half a game and make a run for the snack bar.

I loved sitting on your lap while we watched football. I got too big to sit on your lap, but we didn’t care, I’d squish you anyway.

I loved playing catch with you in the front yard, you jumping in the air after my wild throws, and chasing after balls headed to the neighbors yard.

I didn’t so much love when you made me stand outside on the deck, one cold winter night, because I didn’t finish my vegetables at dinner. You probably forgot about that by now. I didn’t.

I loved that you would come to my hockey games, and lay out the blanket for grandma and you to sit on. I could never focus on games when you were there, because I was always so happy and proud you were in the stands. Sometimes you’d clap when the other team scored. You were so nice.

I loved helping you get dressed at 7am this summer…but loved it more when you were still sleeping and I’d push your legs over and climb in bed with you.

I loved your big belly…sorry I always joked about you swallowing a bowling ball.

I loved that you showed me how to artificially inseminate a chicken, long before I knew what insemination was.

I loved yours and Kirk’s panicked reaction when I got carsick on the way to Canada. Y’all had no idea how to help the sick 10 year old Indian in the back seat.

I loved it this summer, when I asked you what your favorite music was, and you said “hip hop”.

I loved that I was your sweetie and you were my dude.

I loved holding your hand. I’d do anything to hold your fat, old, dry hands again.

I loved that you’d call me a smart ass, but never held it against me.

I loved that you were the “ladies man” of the nursing home. That’s quite the honor.

I loved that we shared clothes…well, that you let me take all your sweaters and button up shirts.

I loved your “women want me, fish fear me” shirt. I wear it when I miss you.

I loved that you promised me a jeep wrangler when I graduated college.

We both knew I wouldn’t graduate college in your lifetime.

I loved when I’d try to drink whisky and eat dry burnt toast with you, but couldn’t stomach it. You’d laugh, I’d grimace.

I loved that funny smell you always had. Old man smell.

I loved saying “stay out of trouble” when I’d leave the nursing home, and you’d sit there with a huge grin on your face because we both knew the kinds of trouble you could get into.

I miss you Grandpa. And I love you, so much. You mean the world and beyond to me.

I will never forget you, the love of my life, my super hero, my best friend.


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It's hard for me to read this, and know it's been almost 6 years since my grampa died. It still feels like yesterday. He was the one person who understood me. He was my love.

Without him, i feel lost....yet, without him, I am inspired, to take it one step further. I want to make him proud.

One of many...

One of many reasons I don't update my blog very often is because I have terrible internet connection. That is...I use my neighbors, and it's slow/unpredictable. Also...the only place my computer can get online is when it's on the back of my couch. If you happen to have a laptop, put it on the back of your couch, and try using it there for a while. I know I could write on a word document and then just upload it to my blog, but that's not the point.

I'm getting my own internet today!! I've been wanting to get internet for years, but have never had the funds to do so. Now that I'm rolling in the "big bucks" at my new job I can actually afford it. What this means, is I am not limited to sitting sideways/backwards on my couch. Nope, this time I'll be able to do like most people with laptops do... I'll be able to check my email while I'm in the bathroom, or making dinner, or still in bed. Ha!

Anyhow, I hope to update more often with this new luxury. This weekend I am going to visit my homegirl, Ardes Shea. She's a riot, who I can barely keep up with. I'm excited for our slumber party. Last night I took pictures for a quilt binding event at work. The dozen women who came were beautiful in their own, unique way. And...they all brought food. Yummo!! Tonight I am taking pictures for a corporate event being held at the zoo. I wonder if I'll get an elephant ride out of it?

A friend and I spoke (briefly) last night about going to India. That was always my plan.... to go volunteer at my orphanage after I graduated college...which was supposed to happen a few years ago, I guess. We'll see. I'm slowly making progress on my schoolwork. I'd like to have my projects done by winter break. Scratch that... I WILL HAVE MY PROJECTS DONE BY WINTER BREAK.

With my new job...I'm finding that I need to update my wardrobe. If anyone has business/casual attire they no longer use, hit me up. I'm pretty small...but have long limbs. Either that, or if anyone wants to shop with me, give a shout.... I usually don't last but an hour, so hopefully you are similar. (I love my sister, but damn the woman can shop! I can't keep up, so I don't try).

Lastly, I went camping with Chris and Andy Wilbourn a couple weekends ago. Sheesh, it was COLD! It must have dipped below freezing at night. (I know people camp in much harsher weather than that). In fact, Chris and I spoke that night about what it would be like to be homeless, and sleeping in the cold without the comfort of a tent or a sleeping bag. Very sad to think about, but important to remember as well.

I took pictures while we were there. (We all took pictures, actually). I will try and have those edited by early next week. I've got a lot on my plate for photography right now, so I might as well take it on all at once!

Hope folks in MN reading this are enjoying the nice weather we've been having. Rumor is, it's gonna get colder soon. I'll believe it when I see it. (I'm currently sitting-backwards- on my couch, with a space heater on my back, so I guess I'll see it soon enough).

Cheers and love!!

As of late.

Things I have been thinking about lately.... (but haven't written down until now). Oops.

PS These are in no particular order of importance or otherwise.



1. Why fathers/men name their kids after them, but women do not. I've never met a "Sally Jr", or Melinda III. Have you.

2. Gay kids killing themselves. If you haven't been thinking about this, you haven't been paying attention. Last week there was a vigil at Loring Park that I went to with a friend of mine. There were a couple hundred people there, maybe more. My candle kept blowing out. The vigil was nice, but what does it do? Ideally, at least one part of it could be that people who were feeling shitty about who they are, could go and see that they are loved and supported. There was lots of talk about how "we" need to teach others to be tolerant and teachers need to step in, etc... but I'd be willing to bet that those who needed to hear such things were not at the vigil.

3. My new job is amazing. I met some of the kids, they are brilliant. I am excited for my future.

4. Yep, I said it. I am excited for my future. :)

5. I ran twin cities 10 mile race a couple weeks ago. My goal was 80 minutes. I ran 80 minutes and 52 seconds. I didn't meet my goal, but I did have a mimosa at mile 8. <--- I wouldn't have made my goal even if I skipped the mimosa, so don't hate.

6. I've been trying to de-clutter my apartment. One of the things I struggle with is what to do with my grampa's clothes. Some of his sweaters and button ups, I will wear. Others, I probably wont, but I can't throw them out. I talked to a friend the other day, and she suggested I make hats and mittens out of the sweaters I wont wear. I think this is a fabulous idea! I need to learn how to knit though.... anyone want to teach me? Also, if you are a man, with a frame bigger than me (not hard, i know), you can have these button up shirts. Get at me. I don't want to give them to the goodwill (I have other stuff to give to the goodwill). I want to give them to friends.... cuz they are important to me.

7. I need to learn how to let go.

8. I 'm trying to eat more. If you are reading this, and we are friends.... hit me up. Lets cook dinner or go to a happy hour. :)

9. I've been listening to the music that I wrote. Some of it is good. I want to make more music.

10. I got a skateboard. I rode it once, a half a block. I should ride it more, especially before it snows!

11. I need a headshot for work.

12. I need to get internet at my house. I can finally afford it!

13. We are winterizing the garden today. I'm already wearing my overalls.

14. My cousin got married a month and a half ago. I did the wedding photography. It's a lot of work. Good work, but a lot of work. I was happy with how the day went and how the photos turned out. He was too :)

15. I still need running partners. I've been running with a couple of dudes, and it's been great. It needs to happen more often. Holla!

16. I'd been feeling kind of dejected lately, because I'm not as into politics as I used to be. I felt like I was less of a person/citizen, cuz I don't see the point of door knocking and bleeding heart and soul over politicians who really dont give a F*#$ about ya. I realized though... I do still care about the ways of the world, and the future, and that my way of being politically active is through teaching. I may not hold up signs on the franklin bridge, or go to conventions or rallies... but I do talk to kids and the work I am doing know is all about supporting them and their projects for creating social change. That is how I can be an activist.

17. I don't have a TV, so I'm not seeing all the political ads that are abuzz. This makes me happy.

18. This year, I am going to become a member of MPR. I can finally afford it. This also makes me happy.

19. Clearly, I am procrastinating. It's my day off. I need to finish sorting laundry, get new running shoes, help my mom winterize the garden, and ideally start working on my school work.

20. I will try to update my blog more often. I know I make that promise a lot.... but now that it's getting cooler out, and I'll have a stable internet connection at my place... I think writing will be less of a chore. We'll see.

How Skateboarding Almost got Ruined by Perverts

I want to get a skateboard. Actually, I want to get a longboard. There are several places within a mile of my house, that I like to frequent. Walking there is fine, I do it often, but I also get bored pretty fast. Biking there is easy, though short, and sometimes not worth the effort (...where did I put my lock, where is my helmet, the front tire might have a leak, etc). Driving seems like a waste of time, especially as it getting cooler, and my car wouldn't even have enough time to get warm. I can run to all of these (elusive-unnamed) places, but arriving sweaty and out of breath is not always my first choice.

My solution to all of this is to get a longboard, obviously. Of course, a longboard will only be able to be ridden for half of the year or less. It doesn't work so well in snow and ice, nor does riding in the rain leave one with a flattering look and windblown locks.

Upon doing a google search of longboards, I found hundreds of different options, varying in style/price/materials. So what do I choose? I have no idea. Part of me also wonders if buying a longboard is worth it. Maybe I should get a regular skateboard, so I have a little more flexibility in its use (in case I decide to practice and compete in X-Games). Yeah right. Anyhow, my point is, I have no idea what I want.

I was at my moms the other day, and there were a bunch of kids in the neighborhood on their boards. During the summer, I swear that is all they do. I miss those days, granted I wasn't on a skateboard when I was a kid. I was usually off scrapping with the boys, or pissing off the tennis snobs by playing roller hockey on the courts. Anyhow, it occurred to me, that the best way to find out what kind of skateboard I want is not to read countless reviews online, but to just go out and find people who will let me try out theirs.

So here is the problem. As kids, we were told not to talk to strangers... cuz for every X amount of awesome and well intentioned people, there is gonna be some perverted d-bag who is going to kill you, kidnap you, cop a feel on you, or all of the above. Every now and then, while reading the paper, I see a brief that says "Dude in car lurking around bus stops, asked girl for directions, girl ran away screaming". And that's legit. She should have, cuz that is what she was taught.

So my issue is that I don't want to be "that dude", which clearly I cannot be for the obvious reason (I am not a dude). But you get what I mean. As well intentioned as I am, and as honest and as gentle of a person as I am... it really doesn't matter when it comes to talking to kids. I mean yeah, I still talk to kids, and wave to them when I run by them during my training, and smile at them when I see them, or make funny faces at them while waiting in line at the store or out to eat.... but you never can know for sure when the kid will read into it the wrong way, or the parent will get pissed off at you, or any other number of things that might go wrong.

There are kids in my neighborhood that I don't know. I haven't introduced myself to them, yet. I will, and I think the best time to do that is when the parents are around. I have this image in my head, of me talking to some neighborhood kid, and a "concerned parent" seeing me out of their window across the street and becoming fearful.

It's fucked up that we live in a world that kids and parents (and humans in general) are taught to fear "strangers". People who are "different" than us, older or younger, darker or lighter, from nearby or across the pond... we've been blasted with messages of "stranger/danger", which yes, is true, sometimes... but what about the other times? What about the fun, genuine people, like me, who just want to try out your skateboard so I can decide 1. if I want a shortboard or a longboard. 2- if I can do a kick-flip.

I probably will hit up one of the neighborhood kids about their skateboard. Forget the culture of fear and perverts. I want to be real in my exchanges and interactions with people in my community, so I will.

As I reread this blog, I see how it sounds like I am afraid to just be me and afraid to talk to the kids in the neighborhood. That's not the case. I'm just disappointed that it's even an issue, that there are people in this world who are so messed up in the head, that they would take advantage of young minds and bodies. They ruin it for everyone.

I'm having a hard time articulating myself in this post, which is weird, cuz I love kids and I love to write. I'm not sure what the problem is, but I'm taking it as a sign to end this entry. I'll let you know when I get a skateboard. Until then...

I'm Alive!

I have been alive this whole time too.... My apologies for not writing.

This summer was one of the best summers yet! And for once...I realized it.

I often found myself saying, "damn, my life is SO good right now". I said this a lot...to others, to myself, in my journal, in my actions. Life is good.

What makes it good? Plenty of things. Probably the most important thing would be my friends/family. I was extremely active this summer, not only in the literal/physical way, but also much more intentionally social with folks. Banging.

School is school, and I'm taking my projects a bit more seriously this time around. I need/want to get them done ASAP.

Work is work... and I will write more on that later, when the time is right. :)

This morning (monday), I walked to the coffee shop (at the corner) to get a paper. I like doing crosswords on monday's, because it's the one day of the week that I have a chance at finishing them. Besides, I want to check out my horoscope to see if I like it or not. Anyhow, I went to the paper machine, put in 2 dimes and a nickel....and what did I get? NOTHING. No paper, no change back, nothing. I smiled, and walked back to my house, empty handed. "Must not have been a good horoscope then", I thought to myself.

Today I am going to edit photos from my cousin's wedding (a week and a half ago). I've got a new website, but it's still in the works. Stayed tuned.

I ran a race this weekend.... it was a small one, and not very competitive. That said, I placed 7th overall, and was the 2nd female finisher. This is a bit deceiving, because I am actually not fast at all... however, it's cool because with a 2nd place female finish (and 1st in my division), I win a prize. I don't know what the prize is, they are going to mail it to me... but I am hoping that it is cash.

I think one of the other big reasons my summer kicked ass is because I ran a lot. I ran gramma's half marathon in June. I ran a 193 mile relay race with 11 people I'd never met before in August, and now here I ran this 10k a couple days ago. Up next is the TC 10 mile (October 3). I'm still looking for a sponsor... I'm hoping costello's will pull through. Seems like good advertising to me... I'm going to be running past tens of thousands of spectators....and, since I'm not very fast... people will actually be able to read what my shirt/bra reads. We'll see.

It's beautiful outside. And I'm inside. Time to change that. I'll try and write more often as well. I think about stuff to write everyday, but I never seem to make the time to actually write it down. Lame. This will change.

-asha.